My wife and I were chatting about this just last night. We are both very excited about the fact we will have our second child in July. I will be 52 in November. Our little boy is just 11 months old. Sobering facts.
While there is no doubt that I am young at heart and having children makes you feel younger, I am very aware that I am not as physically fit as I was even a few years ago and that I will be over 60 when my little boy and new one will be around 10 years old. This is the sort of age when I will be ferrying them back and fore to school, meant to be kicking a ball about, having trekking holidays, camping trips - you know the sort of things you see in an advert for visiting Wales.
The fact is that I will be called 'late middle aged' by some kind people but reality is that I will be far less able to be a normal dad compared to someone half my age. I will have less job prospects, less time before I qualify for a bus pass and probably call modern music rubbish.
It's bad enough me thinking about that, but what will it be like for my young children when other kids joke about them being picked up by their granddad who is in fact their father? When I was kid it was a rarity to see older parents, nowadays at least it seems more acceptable and numerous. But it still does not take away the thought of how we will all cope with it.
Will my children resent the fact I am an older dad, a curmudgeon, not able to play in the dads v kids football match, am less fit, forget things more easily and not know who the winner of X Factor is but know who Champion the Wonder Dog is? I worry about all that. I think it is part of being an older dad.
I still haven't started my fitness regime, again. Prior to 50 I was a regular, even obsessive, gym-goer fitter than when I was actually playing rugby each weekend. Now, after an excessive Christmas and inactive New year, I have put on a few more pounds and feel unfit and heavy. Now is the time to seize the bull by the horns, when I have a bit of time on my hands. Sadly, excuses get in the way. My wife needs more attention, being pregnant, so I take more care of my little boy. I have injured the ligaments in one hand, would you believe, by attempting to play golf. So my gym comeback will have to wait a little longer, although I have pointed out to myself that cross trainers require less use of the hand.
Mix all this together and you get some feel for the constant reminder the body and mind gives of age. Many people say that since they turn 40 or 50 they feel no different. That was not the case with me and having children, new ones, at that age makes you acutely aware of your physical limitations beyond a certain age and, in many respects, your mortality.
That's a final issue that crops up now and then. I am not at all comfortable, as I guess most are not, with the notion of death and finality. But it has a new dimension now. Death will surely rob me of some of the best moments I could have had (does that make sense?), like watching my son graduate, possibly, or get married, have grandchildren. I have to face facts, it is unlikely I will see any of those things.
Still, even though the little one has been up 4 times in the night as he has a little tummy problem and so I feel pretty drained, it is true to say that, while he keeps fully aware of my age, he also helps me fight back the ravages of time.
His smiling face makes me want to behave like a 10 year old and invariably I do. Long may that feeling continue.
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