My wife and I were chatting about this just last night. We are both very excited about the fact we will have our second child in July. I will be 52 in November. Our little boy is just 11 months old. Sobering facts.
While there is no doubt that I am young at heart and having children makes you feel younger, I am very aware that I am not as physically fit as I was even a few years ago and that I will be over 60 when my little boy and new one will be around 10 years old. This is the sort of age when I will be ferrying them back and fore to school, meant to be kicking a ball about, having trekking holidays, camping trips - you know the sort of things you see in an advert for visiting Wales.
The fact is that I will be called 'late middle aged' by some kind people but reality is that I will be far less able to be a normal dad compared to someone half my age. I will have less job prospects, less time before I qualify for a bus pass and probably call modern music rubbish.
It's bad enough me thinking about that, but what will it be like for my young children when other kids joke about them being picked up by their granddad who is in fact their father? When I was kid it was a rarity to see older parents, nowadays at least it seems more acceptable and numerous. But it still does not take away the thought of how we will all cope with it.
Will my children resent the fact I am an older dad, a curmudgeon, not able to play in the dads v kids football match, am less fit, forget things more easily and not know who the winner of X Factor is but know who Champion the Wonder Dog is? I worry about all that. I think it is part of being an older dad.
I still haven't started my fitness regime, again. Prior to 50 I was a regular, even obsessive, gym-goer fitter than when I was actually playing rugby each weekend. Now, after an excessive Christmas and inactive New year, I have put on a few more pounds and feel unfit and heavy. Now is the time to seize the bull by the horns, when I have a bit of time on my hands. Sadly, excuses get in the way. My wife needs more attention, being pregnant, so I take more care of my little boy. I have injured the ligaments in one hand, would you believe, by attempting to play golf. So my gym comeback will have to wait a little longer, although I have pointed out to myself that cross trainers require less use of the hand.
Mix all this together and you get some feel for the constant reminder the body and mind gives of age. Many people say that since they turn 40 or 50 they feel no different. That was not the case with me and having children, new ones, at that age makes you acutely aware of your physical limitations beyond a certain age and, in many respects, your mortality.
That's a final issue that crops up now and then. I am not at all comfortable, as I guess most are not, with the notion of death and finality. But it has a new dimension now. Death will surely rob me of some of the best moments I could have had (does that make sense?), like watching my son graduate, possibly, or get married, have grandchildren. I have to face facts, it is unlikely I will see any of those things.
Still, even though the little one has been up 4 times in the night as he has a little tummy problem and so I feel pretty drained, it is true to say that, while he keeps fully aware of my age, he also helps me fight back the ravages of time.
His smiling face makes me want to behave like a 10 year old and invariably I do. Long may that feeling continue.
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Monday 24 January 2011
First Christmas
This year was my son's first Christmas. The build up was interesting as a branch of JoJo Maman Bebe suddenly opened in St Albans, almost at the entrance to the car park we use - I fear it was no coincidence considering the amount we have bought from this excellent chain. It makes me wonder whether real estate by that car park is going to sky rocket as various baby outlets vie for a share of my wife's purse. I must look up who the landlord is and see if I can invest and get some money back.
Christmas was all the more special this year. We got the decorations down and made up the tree and Scott's eyes were a joy as he looked at the glowing lights, tinsel and baubles. We would sit and night and I would tell him stories by the tree and I swear he seemed to understand every word although my wife rightfully puts it down to the prompts I give him. He's not really a boy genius like most dads think their little boys at this age.
Christmas is special in our house anyway as the two dogs, border collies, love opening presents and when they see the tree go up, they know what's happening. This heightened the atmosphere and when Christmas day came, little boy and dogs had a wail of a time opening presents. There weren't many Christmas Carols played on TV or radio this year so we played a CD on Christmas morning and sang along to the music with the words in a book and my wife and I cried our eyes out for no reason. I don't think Scott registered anything but it didn't matter.
We always spend the day at my wife's parents and Scott's twin cousins were there and so we had a lovely time. Having a large family helps in all sorts of ways but its the sense of belonging and kin that our little boy has seems to bring him alive whenever he sees a relative. It's amazing, but we said of my wife's sister's kids too, children seem to know someone is a blood relative instinctively and the love is immediate, deep and given with no strings attached.
We have a toy mountain to deal with after Christmas Day and subsequent visits to relatives. The little one has walkers, the Chicco one that makes him wander around like a Dalek, a little wooden pushcart with blocks in it, a playpen like a prison cell, several wooden block sets for inserting shapes in holes but still his best toys are our ceramic chess set and metal coaster set which have been there since time immemorial. In fact, he seemed to get more fun out of the paper on most presents.
But this year was very special. My wife and I have waited a long time for this special moment and this was as much our moment as his. To see his little face on Christmas Day wondering at presents, laughing with family, eating turkey and sprouts with gusto and playing with anything not nailed down was hard to describe.
It was indeed the Most Wonderful Time.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Christmas was all the more special this year. We got the decorations down and made up the tree and Scott's eyes were a joy as he looked at the glowing lights, tinsel and baubles. We would sit and night and I would tell him stories by the tree and I swear he seemed to understand every word although my wife rightfully puts it down to the prompts I give him. He's not really a boy genius like most dads think their little boys at this age.
Christmas is special in our house anyway as the two dogs, border collies, love opening presents and when they see the tree go up, they know what's happening. This heightened the atmosphere and when Christmas day came, little boy and dogs had a wail of a time opening presents. There weren't many Christmas Carols played on TV or radio this year so we played a CD on Christmas morning and sang along to the music with the words in a book and my wife and I cried our eyes out for no reason. I don't think Scott registered anything but it didn't matter.
We always spend the day at my wife's parents and Scott's twin cousins were there and so we had a lovely time. Having a large family helps in all sorts of ways but its the sense of belonging and kin that our little boy has seems to bring him alive whenever he sees a relative. It's amazing, but we said of my wife's sister's kids too, children seem to know someone is a blood relative instinctively and the love is immediate, deep and given with no strings attached.
We have a toy mountain to deal with after Christmas Day and subsequent visits to relatives. The little one has walkers, the Chicco one that makes him wander around like a Dalek, a little wooden pushcart with blocks in it, a playpen like a prison cell, several wooden block sets for inserting shapes in holes but still his best toys are our ceramic chess set and metal coaster set which have been there since time immemorial. In fact, he seemed to get more fun out of the paper on most presents.
But this year was very special. My wife and I have waited a long time for this special moment and this was as much our moment as his. To see his little face on Christmas Day wondering at presents, laughing with family, eating turkey and sprouts with gusto and playing with anything not nailed down was hard to describe.
It was indeed the Most Wonderful Time.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Saturday 22 January 2011
First Birthday Approaches
On 17 February, little Scott will be one. It seems to have gone by in a flash and I can't seem to remember what life was like before him. Now the discussion turns to two subjects - 1) what do we do for his first birthday and 2) when do we get him christened?
We have had an invite already to one of the NCT class first birthdays. Phil and Pauli's baby, Dylan, was born on 2 March and his party will be on 5 March. When they told us about the party, I had to admit we hadn't even started to think about Scott's birthday and immediately we started to think if we were bad parents for not doing so. The other subject of christening was another point for debate.
We will get round to organising a party for Scott's birthday, I'm sure. Probably family and maybe a select band of close friends, NCT perhaps on the Saturday closest.
The christening? Well that's a different matter. We are godparents to several children - one of whom I have not seen for about 16 years which is dreadful on my part (he's 19 now). The problem is not so much which church do we do the christening at but who do we select as godparents?
If we were to repay the compliment on selection then we would have to have several children to accommodate the situation. But reality bites, Scott will have probably 3 godparents and we have to filter down the possibilities and that means some people may get their noses put out of joint.
Age is a factor here. After all, being a 50 year old means that most of my friends and family are the same age and part of the point of being a godparent is being around during the child's formative years and possibly more. Wouldn't younger people be better equipped for such a job? Then again, the easiest pick would be my wife's sister. We are godparents to all three of her boys and proud to be so. We have also been a big part of their lives as they grow up, the eldest now being 17. My wife's sister is slightly younger then my wife so the age factor is not so acute.
In contrast, my elder sister, who would be a great choice, is two years older than me and lives some 200+ miles away. However, there would be no doubting that she would be a wonderful godparent. Then comes the potential disappointments - my brother, who is 13 years older than me and is, in fact, one of my godparents, would likely be disappointed, even feel snubbed, if he did not make the selection list. My younger sister is not baptised herself and I understand is eliminated on that technicality, even though she would make a wonderful godparent.
There are more to choose from my wife's side which means it is unlikely that any more than one of our friends would be a potential godparent. We know this will cause some issues but I guess it's one of those things that can't be helped. Knowing how to deal with it and what you say to people will be something we will have to learn along the way.
As for timing, well this could be dangerous. It's a bit nippy and rainy at the moment so now is not a great time although a christening beyond Scott's first birthday sounds a bit unusual. The fact is we are now in the prime 6 Nations zone and there are games played on a Sunday.
Oops, slipping into pre-dad thinking there. Any Sunday would be perfect but it would be nice to have a ray of sunshine and a little warmth for the photos if nothing else. Springtime - that's the ticket.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
We have had an invite already to one of the NCT class first birthdays. Phil and Pauli's baby, Dylan, was born on 2 March and his party will be on 5 March. When they told us about the party, I had to admit we hadn't even started to think about Scott's birthday and immediately we started to think if we were bad parents for not doing so. The other subject of christening was another point for debate.
We will get round to organising a party for Scott's birthday, I'm sure. Probably family and maybe a select band of close friends, NCT perhaps on the Saturday closest.
The christening? Well that's a different matter. We are godparents to several children - one of whom I have not seen for about 16 years which is dreadful on my part (he's 19 now). The problem is not so much which church do we do the christening at but who do we select as godparents?
If we were to repay the compliment on selection then we would have to have several children to accommodate the situation. But reality bites, Scott will have probably 3 godparents and we have to filter down the possibilities and that means some people may get their noses put out of joint.
Age is a factor here. After all, being a 50 year old means that most of my friends and family are the same age and part of the point of being a godparent is being around during the child's formative years and possibly more. Wouldn't younger people be better equipped for such a job? Then again, the easiest pick would be my wife's sister. We are godparents to all three of her boys and proud to be so. We have also been a big part of their lives as they grow up, the eldest now being 17. My wife's sister is slightly younger then my wife so the age factor is not so acute.
In contrast, my elder sister, who would be a great choice, is two years older than me and lives some 200+ miles away. However, there would be no doubting that she would be a wonderful godparent. Then comes the potential disappointments - my brother, who is 13 years older than me and is, in fact, one of my godparents, would likely be disappointed, even feel snubbed, if he did not make the selection list. My younger sister is not baptised herself and I understand is eliminated on that technicality, even though she would make a wonderful godparent.
There are more to choose from my wife's side which means it is unlikely that any more than one of our friends would be a potential godparent. We know this will cause some issues but I guess it's one of those things that can't be helped. Knowing how to deal with it and what you say to people will be something we will have to learn along the way.
As for timing, well this could be dangerous. It's a bit nippy and rainy at the moment so now is not a great time although a christening beyond Scott's first birthday sounds a bit unusual. The fact is we are now in the prime 6 Nations zone and there are games played on a Sunday.
Oops, slipping into pre-dad thinking there. Any Sunday would be perfect but it would be nice to have a ray of sunshine and a little warmth for the photos if nothing else. Springtime - that's the ticket.
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Friday 21 January 2011
A World Fit For Our Kids
I don't know how many times I got texted and emailed when the heavy snows were about with the pithy line, 'Global warming, my arse.' I even perpetuated it by sending around a text saying, 'The Conference on Global Warming has been cancelled due to heavy snow.' Ha, ha.
Many of my good friends are massive sceptics when it comes to the environment and believe it is some sort of conspiracy that perpetuates the myth that humans affect the world in which they live, as there if there is instant financial gain in saying that. Without delving into the facts, a simple appraisal says that in the earth's 13 billion year history, there has never been an intelligent species like man and in the last 100 years or so we have invented things that have polluted our environment from smoke to gases to radio active bombs that have not been in the natural order of things before. Just as when Mount St Helena exploded had profound environmental effects and was a natural phenomenon, so too when Chernobyl melted down, radioactive rain poured on the sheep of North Wales.
To think, in this short time, man has not had an affect on the environment is surely illogical for those reasons alone.
Putting our heads in the sand does not help even if some of the facts are wrong. The point is that as parents, our first priority should be giving our kids a future, yet we behave so differently. Yes, we want them to learn to read and write but what point would that be if future generations face a world so badly polluted that it becomes less sustaining of life.
Somehow, the environment and the future of the planet must get some credence. Just as the Cold War threatened the world we found a way to get round it when national differences are put to one side. Perhaps the same can happen again when the United States stops worrying about how much oil China needs.
Again, as I watch my little boy play in the safety of his playpen, I hope that the wider world will be as safe and as welcoming to him in the future.
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Many of my good friends are massive sceptics when it comes to the environment and believe it is some sort of conspiracy that perpetuates the myth that humans affect the world in which they live, as there if there is instant financial gain in saying that. Without delving into the facts, a simple appraisal says that in the earth's 13 billion year history, there has never been an intelligent species like man and in the last 100 years or so we have invented things that have polluted our environment from smoke to gases to radio active bombs that have not been in the natural order of things before. Just as when Mount St Helena exploded had profound environmental effects and was a natural phenomenon, so too when Chernobyl melted down, radioactive rain poured on the sheep of North Wales.
To think, in this short time, man has not had an affect on the environment is surely illogical for those reasons alone.
Putting our heads in the sand does not help even if some of the facts are wrong. The point is that as parents, our first priority should be giving our kids a future, yet we behave so differently. Yes, we want them to learn to read and write but what point would that be if future generations face a world so badly polluted that it becomes less sustaining of life.
Somehow, the environment and the future of the planet must get some credence. Just as the Cold War threatened the world we found a way to get round it when national differences are put to one side. Perhaps the same can happen again when the United States stops worrying about how much oil China needs.
Again, as I watch my little boy play in the safety of his playpen, I hope that the wider world will be as safe and as welcoming to him in the future.
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Prospects
A cursory glance at the Business section in yesterday's Daily Telegraph saw two opposing headlines - 1) Goldman Sachs employees are to earn an average of £269,000 of pay and bonus this year and 2) unemployment levels in the youth population has reached record levels - the Lost Generation' as some refer to it of kids with no prospects. The thought that may link these two headlines was Lord Adair's comment on banks who said they largely 'dealt in products that served no social purpose'.
You see, the problem with being over 50 is that you become much more of a curmudgeon - the sort of person that your 20+ year old child might look at and say, 'Here goes dad again on his hobby horse. He's so out of touch.' And as I write this blog entry, my son's face is covered in bovril and he is playing peekaboo with his bib. Being a curmudgeon is not a good thing in bringing up an 11 month old baby, I would venture to say.
That said, it's a real point that so much of what we call success and acceptable serves no real purpose to society at large. If we look at the schools system, one of my nephews failed to get certain grades at A level interims in the Lower Sixth that he was told he could not go onto A levels at that school. Rejection at that age is not healthy, and how we have got to league tables of kids and schools under a then sitting Labour government is beyond me.
But what it all means, as we ponder the fact that there aren't enough university spaces for British kids and if they get there they clock up immense debt, is that we are loading the dice against kids from an early age. I fear for the prospects for little Scott and my unborn child as in another 10 to 15 years this whole situation will only get worse and prospects will decrease.
Why do we heap pressure on kids at such an early age? Is it character building? Does it prepare them for the real world? I don't think so, because the employment laws now mean it is so difficult to get rid of under performing employees that our labour pool is going down in terms of performance not up while the opposite is happening in our kids. Again, somehow, the standard bearers of the common people, Oxford-educated Labour men, brought all this in.
I sit here looking at my little one as he plasters a piece of buttered toast on his head. I just hope that the education system and society give him the chances his sunny little face deserves. For that to happen, we do have to stop this patently dangerous and unnecessary polarisation in wealth that goes on which we all underwrite. If the money could be spread more evenly, we could have more schools, more opportunity for our young and they don't deserve to be victimised because we adults got it so badly wrong. I don't subscribe to the bankers' view that if they didn't earn so much money then we wouldn't have the standard of living we have - because it is so badly wrong.
Curmudgeon time has ended, it's back to chasing the little fellow around the floor with a policeman's hat on. Just don't get me started on the environment but maybe I'll tackle that tomorrow.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
You see, the problem with being over 50 is that you become much more of a curmudgeon - the sort of person that your 20+ year old child might look at and say, 'Here goes dad again on his hobby horse. He's so out of touch.' And as I write this blog entry, my son's face is covered in bovril and he is playing peekaboo with his bib. Being a curmudgeon is not a good thing in bringing up an 11 month old baby, I would venture to say.
That said, it's a real point that so much of what we call success and acceptable serves no real purpose to society at large. If we look at the schools system, one of my nephews failed to get certain grades at A level interims in the Lower Sixth that he was told he could not go onto A levels at that school. Rejection at that age is not healthy, and how we have got to league tables of kids and schools under a then sitting Labour government is beyond me.
But what it all means, as we ponder the fact that there aren't enough university spaces for British kids and if they get there they clock up immense debt, is that we are loading the dice against kids from an early age. I fear for the prospects for little Scott and my unborn child as in another 10 to 15 years this whole situation will only get worse and prospects will decrease.
Why do we heap pressure on kids at such an early age? Is it character building? Does it prepare them for the real world? I don't think so, because the employment laws now mean it is so difficult to get rid of under performing employees that our labour pool is going down in terms of performance not up while the opposite is happening in our kids. Again, somehow, the standard bearers of the common people, Oxford-educated Labour men, brought all this in.
I sit here looking at my little one as he plasters a piece of buttered toast on his head. I just hope that the education system and society give him the chances his sunny little face deserves. For that to happen, we do have to stop this patently dangerous and unnecessary polarisation in wealth that goes on which we all underwrite. If the money could be spread more evenly, we could have more schools, more opportunity for our young and they don't deserve to be victimised because we adults got it so badly wrong. I don't subscribe to the bankers' view that if they didn't earn so much money then we wouldn't have the standard of living we have - because it is so badly wrong.
Curmudgeon time has ended, it's back to chasing the little fellow around the floor with a policeman's hat on. Just don't get me started on the environment but maybe I'll tackle that tomorrow.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Wednesday 19 January 2011
Being A Dad At 50
So what has it been like, being a Dad at 50+?
This last year has been a whole new ball game to start with. Life revolves around His Lordship and that has been a huge culture change, the biggest since I met my wife some 18 years ago. Although we still do lots of the things we used to do like go to restaurants, it's fair to say that we rarely go out in the evenings and we have babysitters only twice so far in the last 11 months. We have had two holidays, one in Crete with my wife's family which was great and one in Spain which was mixed with business and not so brilliant. Neither provided any real relaxation.
That's the obvious part. The second is that whenever we enter a room, automatically one or other of us 'Has the Conn', i.e. we are in charge of the little one as he moves around at will, particularly since crawling. We are now elevating all items which could be of use to him in every room while watching him like a hawk for crashing into corners of tables or chairs.
While this is normal for any parent, it's actually a huge change for a 50 year old, steeped in tradition of just sitting down and relaxing or playing with the dogs. It means that you rarely relax and you also find that you have little time, when you are in charge, to do anything from make a cup of tea to answer a telephone call to send an email to go to the loo. It's that all-consuming and that's a massive culture change, particularly for a 50 year old guy who was used to do pretty much as he wanted.
The big result of all this is that fatigue is major part of your life. Even as I write, I have to get up very early in the morning and stay up late just to catch up on things like doing my accounts, writing blogs, emails or even just reading things. With getting up in the middle of the night a routine that cannot be changed, it means that interrupted sleep is all you get. This builds up and I don't care what anyone says, for a 50 year old it really begins to drag you down. It would help if I could allocate time to go to the gym, but that really is unrealistic as in the order of priorities in the house these days, personal fitness is not near the top. Even walking the dogs has been cut down as time just gets consumed plus in the Winter the concern about excess dirt coming into areas where the little one is crawling is high.
Then there is the general worry. As you get older, the chances of your career ending or changing dramatically are much higher and this is an underlying pressure. Back in 2006, I took the decision to work on contracts and I have had an excellent run on this in the main. However, this produces a high degree of pressure as I cannot afford to take holidays as time off is unbillable and to take a break between contracts is a false hope as you spend any such time worrying how you are going to get another contract.
Lob in the concern of having a child and the pressure starts to intensify as the overwhelming urge is to provide for the family in terms of bringing in the 'bread'. With my wife on unpaid maternity (she is self-employed), this doubles that underlying pressure. As she is again pregnant, it means that we are probably looking at two years on a single income, which is a precarious one. This is a pressure that sometimes manifests itself in short temper as I feel the need to do something about it, either to change back to permanent employment or to find more lucrative contracts (which is nigh on impossible). All this magnifies as each day passes, as I know that no matter what legislation is in place, there is a very active discrimination of 50+ year olds in my kind of work and market sector. It means you have to work harder to prove your worth and that means not just doing the hours but going well beyond.
Here's another curious thing and this may just be me. Sometimes when I am out with Scott alone, I am acutely aware of my age. I see young mothers and fathers with their children and I dwell on the fact that by the time my boy will be in his teens and wanting to kick a ball with me or ask me to bowl to him in the nets, I will already be in my sixties - grandfather not father age. I get a very real feeling that I will create a stigma for my son (and new one on the way) that I saw when I was young and at school at a time when older parents were very rare. This may be unfounded but I guess being 50+ I am of the era when older parents were less prevalent whereas the modern era is different. This does gnaw away at me and I also feel the nagging little concern when I am with my friends who, while they are genuinely delighted for us, clearly feel having another child is just going a step too far at our age. Or at least that's how I play it in my mind.
When I consider all the apparent downsides listed above, it does not even slightly tilt the balance against what we have. Little Scott is not only precious but he does help me feel younger in his presence even if I get aware of my age in some respects when chasing him around. The fact is, I have always been a kid at heart and now I have the perfect excuse to behave like one. A 50+ year old behaving like a child does look daft, but I don't care about that.
I have been busy, when I have the time, writing up the bedtime stories I tell Scott and I have started a blog at http://babyscottstories.wordpress.com to keep them safe for him now and in the future. My mother always urged me to write and Scott has given me that perfect driver to do so. Whether they are any good or not is neither here nor there to me. In general, he hangs on my every word and, as every dad knows, that won't last too many years!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
This last year has been a whole new ball game to start with. Life revolves around His Lordship and that has been a huge culture change, the biggest since I met my wife some 18 years ago. Although we still do lots of the things we used to do like go to restaurants, it's fair to say that we rarely go out in the evenings and we have babysitters only twice so far in the last 11 months. We have had two holidays, one in Crete with my wife's family which was great and one in Spain which was mixed with business and not so brilliant. Neither provided any real relaxation.
That's the obvious part. The second is that whenever we enter a room, automatically one or other of us 'Has the Conn', i.e. we are in charge of the little one as he moves around at will, particularly since crawling. We are now elevating all items which could be of use to him in every room while watching him like a hawk for crashing into corners of tables or chairs.
While this is normal for any parent, it's actually a huge change for a 50 year old, steeped in tradition of just sitting down and relaxing or playing with the dogs. It means that you rarely relax and you also find that you have little time, when you are in charge, to do anything from make a cup of tea to answer a telephone call to send an email to go to the loo. It's that all-consuming and that's a massive culture change, particularly for a 50 year old guy who was used to do pretty much as he wanted.
The big result of all this is that fatigue is major part of your life. Even as I write, I have to get up very early in the morning and stay up late just to catch up on things like doing my accounts, writing blogs, emails or even just reading things. With getting up in the middle of the night a routine that cannot be changed, it means that interrupted sleep is all you get. This builds up and I don't care what anyone says, for a 50 year old it really begins to drag you down. It would help if I could allocate time to go to the gym, but that really is unrealistic as in the order of priorities in the house these days, personal fitness is not near the top. Even walking the dogs has been cut down as time just gets consumed plus in the Winter the concern about excess dirt coming into areas where the little one is crawling is high.
Then there is the general worry. As you get older, the chances of your career ending or changing dramatically are much higher and this is an underlying pressure. Back in 2006, I took the decision to work on contracts and I have had an excellent run on this in the main. However, this produces a high degree of pressure as I cannot afford to take holidays as time off is unbillable and to take a break between contracts is a false hope as you spend any such time worrying how you are going to get another contract.
Lob in the concern of having a child and the pressure starts to intensify as the overwhelming urge is to provide for the family in terms of bringing in the 'bread'. With my wife on unpaid maternity (she is self-employed), this doubles that underlying pressure. As she is again pregnant, it means that we are probably looking at two years on a single income, which is a precarious one. This is a pressure that sometimes manifests itself in short temper as I feel the need to do something about it, either to change back to permanent employment or to find more lucrative contracts (which is nigh on impossible). All this magnifies as each day passes, as I know that no matter what legislation is in place, there is a very active discrimination of 50+ year olds in my kind of work and market sector. It means you have to work harder to prove your worth and that means not just doing the hours but going well beyond.
Here's another curious thing and this may just be me. Sometimes when I am out with Scott alone, I am acutely aware of my age. I see young mothers and fathers with their children and I dwell on the fact that by the time my boy will be in his teens and wanting to kick a ball with me or ask me to bowl to him in the nets, I will already be in my sixties - grandfather not father age. I get a very real feeling that I will create a stigma for my son (and new one on the way) that I saw when I was young and at school at a time when older parents were very rare. This may be unfounded but I guess being 50+ I am of the era when older parents were less prevalent whereas the modern era is different. This does gnaw away at me and I also feel the nagging little concern when I am with my friends who, while they are genuinely delighted for us, clearly feel having another child is just going a step too far at our age. Or at least that's how I play it in my mind.
When I consider all the apparent downsides listed above, it does not even slightly tilt the balance against what we have. Little Scott is not only precious but he does help me feel younger in his presence even if I get aware of my age in some respects when chasing him around. The fact is, I have always been a kid at heart and now I have the perfect excuse to behave like one. A 50+ year old behaving like a child does look daft, but I don't care about that.
I have been busy, when I have the time, writing up the bedtime stories I tell Scott and I have started a blog at http://babyscottstories.wordpress.com to keep them safe for him now and in the future. My mother always urged me to write and Scott has given me that perfect driver to do so. Whether they are any good or not is neither here nor there to me. In general, he hangs on my every word and, as every dad knows, that won't last too many years!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Dad For a Day
For the next few weeks, while I am waiting for a new contract to begin, I will be the exclusive parent on each Wednesday, maybe a few more days per week. While it is a great bonding time with wee Scott, I have succumbed to impulse buying.
You see, today is a typical example. I dropped my wife off at the station and have spent the rest of the day in St Albans. Immediately, while ambling around town, I have bought a new set of golf irons, having only the previous Wednesday bought two hybrid woods. In two weeks I have spent around £250 on a hobby I play no more than half a dozen times a year on average.
And they say women waste money. Note, I said 'They say'. I certainly wouldn't say such a thing. No.
There followed lunch and little Scott was superb eating bread, fishcake, haricot beans and peas, followed by a good slug of milk. He napped this morning for no more than 30 minutes and then again he has slept from around 2.15 until now (3.45) which is good for him. Mind you, considering he was up three times in the night, I'm not surprised.
As he slept, on impulse, I went and had my eyes tested and bought two pairs of reading glasses. Supposedly, it was one pair and the other free at £99 but somehow, with the eye test and assorted 'value added extras' which I have no idea about, it came to £144.
So my experience of exclusive parenting so far has been nearly £400 in impulse purchases plus two lunches.
Have I enjoyed it? Too right, I have. Scott is a pleasure to be with and even in his most difficult moments, usually at bedtime, he is a never far from being totally endearing. In fact, he eats well and has a sunny disposition most of the time.
The best part about the Wednesdays and others days so far is the time to bond. My job has meant that I have travelled a great deal over the last year and so I have spent many nights away as well as those when I leave too early and get home too late to get a great deal of interaction. These parenting days have been superb for balancing that to some small extent and Scott and I have become the best of pals as well as father and son. Well as much as you can do so with an 11 month old.
The other thing is that the wee man is a little babe magnet. I don't know how many times ladies of all ages have stopped and talked to me while he has flirted outrageously. I also get a strange kindred spirit with the mums around as we struggle through the crowded market streets, soothe crying babies or administer emergency bottles. I am a long way from being accepted by such mums but I feel I'm beginning to earn my spurs.
Here's a point for all dads who are in my situation for either short or long periods. What's with the poor changing accommodation for dads? Very few restaurants have good changing facilities anyway but many cater for mothers only and so the facilities are in the 'Ladies' and there are none in the 'Mens'. Fortunately, I can highly recommend Carluccio's and Loch Fyne's as good exceptions to that observation.
So back home to walk the dogs with Scott in the BabyBjorn (a must for any parent, brilliant device)' then put the supper on before picking mum up from the station.
It may be just one day a week for now but being the only parent for the day gives a great taste for just how incredibly demanding a Mum's job really is while giving maximum bonding time. I can't recommend it enough on both counts.
If only I could curb the darn impulse buying.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
You see, today is a typical example. I dropped my wife off at the station and have spent the rest of the day in St Albans. Immediately, while ambling around town, I have bought a new set of golf irons, having only the previous Wednesday bought two hybrid woods. In two weeks I have spent around £250 on a hobby I play no more than half a dozen times a year on average.
And they say women waste money. Note, I said 'They say'. I certainly wouldn't say such a thing. No.
There followed lunch and little Scott was superb eating bread, fishcake, haricot beans and peas, followed by a good slug of milk. He napped this morning for no more than 30 minutes and then again he has slept from around 2.15 until now (3.45) which is good for him. Mind you, considering he was up three times in the night, I'm not surprised.
As he slept, on impulse, I went and had my eyes tested and bought two pairs of reading glasses. Supposedly, it was one pair and the other free at £99 but somehow, with the eye test and assorted 'value added extras' which I have no idea about, it came to £144.
So my experience of exclusive parenting so far has been nearly £400 in impulse purchases plus two lunches.
Have I enjoyed it? Too right, I have. Scott is a pleasure to be with and even in his most difficult moments, usually at bedtime, he is a never far from being totally endearing. In fact, he eats well and has a sunny disposition most of the time.
The best part about the Wednesdays and others days so far is the time to bond. My job has meant that I have travelled a great deal over the last year and so I have spent many nights away as well as those when I leave too early and get home too late to get a great deal of interaction. These parenting days have been superb for balancing that to some small extent and Scott and I have become the best of pals as well as father and son. Well as much as you can do so with an 11 month old.
The other thing is that the wee man is a little babe magnet. I don't know how many times ladies of all ages have stopped and talked to me while he has flirted outrageously. I also get a strange kindred spirit with the mums around as we struggle through the crowded market streets, soothe crying babies or administer emergency bottles. I am a long way from being accepted by such mums but I feel I'm beginning to earn my spurs.
Here's a point for all dads who are in my situation for either short or long periods. What's with the poor changing accommodation for dads? Very few restaurants have good changing facilities anyway but many cater for mothers only and so the facilities are in the 'Ladies' and there are none in the 'Mens'. Fortunately, I can highly recommend Carluccio's and Loch Fyne's as good exceptions to that observation.
So back home to walk the dogs with Scott in the BabyBjorn (a must for any parent, brilliant device)' then put the supper on before picking mum up from the station.
It may be just one day a week for now but being the only parent for the day gives a great taste for just how incredibly demanding a Mum's job really is while giving maximum bonding time. I can't recommend it enough on both counts.
If only I could curb the darn impulse buying.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Resuming The Thread
It's been a long while since I lasted posted here. That's what fatherhood does, I suppose, grab your time and make you prioritise. Between working, fathering and trying to get some sleep there is less time and certainly less inclination to do other things which may be less important.
Is this a symptom of being an older date? Do younger dads, with more energy and a sunnier outlook on life, have more time or prioritise better? That's a good question.
Let's review things. I am now 51 and my little boy Scott is less than a month short of his first birthday. He has experienced his first Christmas, he has 4 razor sharp teeth which he likes to keep in good shape by biting my nose, he can crawl at a fearful pace, he stands up at every opportunity, he laughs, claps to order, High Fives', and flirts with women appallingly.
The dogs get on fine with him, with the bitch, Cari, dotes on him. We have had zero problems of jealousy or lack of hygiene (that's been a running battle) but there is contention for time as the dogs love their walks and interaction.
We have bought thousands of pounds worth of stuff from clothes to sterilisation units to food to bottles to toys, babybjorns, two prams, two car seats, playpens, walkers, I could go on and on. The generosity of others leaves me short of words when it comes to well wishes and gifts.
And Scott has gone digital. He has his own Twitter account at scottedunn and his collection of bedtime stories are on http://babyscottstories.wordpress.com where I have tried to remember the stories I make up for him. Who knows, maybe that will get published some day.
What has it been like, this last 10 or so months? Hard work. I can't remember ever being this tired and we have had but two nights which I can even tell you the dates of when he has slept right through without waking up for a top-up of milk and a cuddle. But it has been a joy. I guess it must be harder for a 50 year old and I worry more about keeping working and the money coming in but, between us, my wife and I have done well. He's a thriving, healthy, happy little boy who is wickedly funny and into all things dubious. He has been a life changing ball of fun.
And here's the rub. My wife is around 14 weeks pregnant with our second child. How about that for a showstopper? Like London buses, we have waited so long for one baby to arrive, there appears a second almost immediately. Of all the lovely mummies we have met at our NCT classes who are considerably younger than my wife, she is the only one who is pregnant again.
The plus side - we have some experience and plenty of kit ready. The downside - our house will never accommodate two toddlers and two dogs. Money will be an issue when we need a new home. On the really big plus side - it's a dream come true.
I'm going to try and keep this blog going over the next few months and catch up a bit on the past and tell you what it has really been like for a 50+ year old dad.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Is this a symptom of being an older date? Do younger dads, with more energy and a sunnier outlook on life, have more time or prioritise better? That's a good question.
Let's review things. I am now 51 and my little boy Scott is less than a month short of his first birthday. He has experienced his first Christmas, he has 4 razor sharp teeth which he likes to keep in good shape by biting my nose, he can crawl at a fearful pace, he stands up at every opportunity, he laughs, claps to order, High Fives', and flirts with women appallingly.
The dogs get on fine with him, with the bitch, Cari, dotes on him. We have had zero problems of jealousy or lack of hygiene (that's been a running battle) but there is contention for time as the dogs love their walks and interaction.
We have bought thousands of pounds worth of stuff from clothes to sterilisation units to food to bottles to toys, babybjorns, two prams, two car seats, playpens, walkers, I could go on and on. The generosity of others leaves me short of words when it comes to well wishes and gifts.
And Scott has gone digital. He has his own Twitter account at scottedunn and his collection of bedtime stories are on http://babyscottstories.wordpress.com where I have tried to remember the stories I make up for him. Who knows, maybe that will get published some day.
What has it been like, this last 10 or so months? Hard work. I can't remember ever being this tired and we have had but two nights which I can even tell you the dates of when he has slept right through without waking up for a top-up of milk and a cuddle. But it has been a joy. I guess it must be harder for a 50 year old and I worry more about keeping working and the money coming in but, between us, my wife and I have done well. He's a thriving, healthy, happy little boy who is wickedly funny and into all things dubious. He has been a life changing ball of fun.
And here's the rub. My wife is around 14 weeks pregnant with our second child. How about that for a showstopper? Like London buses, we have waited so long for one baby to arrive, there appears a second almost immediately. Of all the lovely mummies we have met at our NCT classes who are considerably younger than my wife, she is the only one who is pregnant again.
The plus side - we have some experience and plenty of kit ready. The downside - our house will never accommodate two toddlers and two dogs. Money will be an issue when we need a new home. On the really big plus side - it's a dream come true.
I'm going to try and keep this blog going over the next few months and catch up a bit on the past and tell you what it has really been like for a 50+ year old dad.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
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