I Know Everything

On Friday I completed the second full day course in our NCT ante-natal training. Therefore, I am now complete with my knowledge and ready to tackle a real baby. Oh yeah?

The day was started with detail into forms of pain relief on the B Day and the choices open to the mums. From full epidurals to the 'Harmony Room' at Watford General there is a wide range of options on how to relieve stress and pain and make the birth experience do-able. The concept of a Harmony Room was mildly intriguing and is apparently a dimly lit room with bean bags and disco ball rotating, incense and aromatherapy candles, soft music and the mid wife wears a Afghan coat and tinted glasses while the assisting doctor looks like a 1970's porn star - I assume. Quite why that would rid a mother-to-be of the excruciating pain of child birth I don't know but each to her own, I suppose.

I think what got to a lot of mums was that there was a wider choice than they expected and that it was pretty much within their control as to what they could use and when. This countermands our concept of a hospital where we go in expecting to be told what's wrong with us and then prescribed treatment to get better. In the process of childbirth, the mother effectively tells the medical people what she wants. The information available on this is actually both bewilderingly wide and bafflingly indecisive. What I mean by that is there is no shortage of information on each option but there is nothing that helps you tailor it to you. Many of the mums had stories of friends or family members who had used this or that and the others listened avidly but then sucked in their breath and concluded they had no idea. In the end, the course leader, Kim, basically said that often mums left it flexible - saying that you can opt for say gas and air but tell the staff you will let them know, in screams presumably, that you need something more as you go along.

This brings up the concept of the Birth Plan. This is some kind of document which states what you have planned in terms of medication for pain relief during the birth. It seems a might definitive and that's where Kim suggested that it is wise to have it written on the plan that this is what you would like but that you reserve the option to ask for more as you go along. Should you write that your plan has no other options to it and you feel as if you need it, often the mid-wife will argue with you at the most inconvenient of moments and persuade you that you really don't want it as you have written previously that you don't. It's the sort of decisions under duress thing that medics don't like and spoils their ethics. My take on the subject was that mums should not be too definitive in their Birth Plans and keep some 'wiggle room' for those moments when the pain gets pretty unbearable.

We got to learn about 'Gas & Air' which is the gas administered during the birth famously breathed by Del Boy in Only Fools & horses as his partner, Raquel, was in labour. It is a mixture of 50% nitrous oxide (or Laughing Gas) and 50% oxygen, called Entonox. It is also used by paramedics when you have had a nasty accident like a broken limb. The trick with Entonox is to time the breathing with the contractions so that its mild analgesic effect is at its peak when the contraction is at its peak. While it is popular in births, it is only a short lived pain relief and it is only mild which means all sensations are really still there and the whole thing is self administered and self-regulated - you breath more when you want to. The downside is that it is only short lived and only mild. The upside is that it only takes a short time to work and can be combined with most other forms of pain relief.

Pethidine is another common drug to be used. It is an opioid analgesic and as such is quite strong. As most druggies would tell you, opioids work by mimicking endorphins in the brain - the natural painkillers the body produces and so effectively cuts the brain off from the source of the pain. It's pretty effective but can produce drowsiness and lightheadedness which my sister tells me probably prolonged the birth of her child unnecessarily which is a common theme with the drug in childbirth. Your mid-wife can tell you more but it is generally administered as an injection into muscle such as the bum or thigh by the mid-wife.

Epidural is the 'Mama' of pain relief strategy during birth. It is a mixture of drugs administered by a trained anaesthetist by an injection between the third and fourth vertebra in your back. It is then controlled by a tap and bag hanging beside the bed. The mum can even have a button to press to administer more but it is a time release valve so pressing it more than once or in between doses does not actually do anything. Depending on your choice, the epidural can numb the entire bottom half of the body and so you don't have to feel a thing or you can have a setting less than that. If in labour the mum has remained flexible on pain relief, it's important to give the staff enough time to administer the epidural as only trained people can do so and it has to be done before 8-10cm of dilation, otherwise it's pointless as it will miss the most intense period of pain.

Epidurals are one of the most hotly debated areas by mums as many don't like the idea of having their spinal chord being invaded or having the sensation of paralysis, which totally restricts movements and birth positions. Also, the epidural can take away the entire sensation of pain which also makes the act of pushing hard as nothing is felt so there is no gauge as to how hard the push is being done, you literally watch it on a monitor. However, it is a highly effective form of pain relief.

The pain relief discussions over, we got onto how to deal with a baby. Here came the hilarity of watching grown men handle a plastic doll as if it was a baby, to change its nappy and to bath it. Naturally there was a good deal of fun and banter in the room and the sight of one girl holding her doll in a 'chin hold' while she wrote and men attempting to change positions of the baby without supporting necks or chests. Putting the clothes back on caused problems for me but generally I concluded that changing a baby was a doddle until Kim pointed out that real babies squirm and cry while you do it and often pee or poo at the most inconvenient moment in the process. I noted to myself that I should have a list of rules I would read to my baby shortly after birth which I will pin to the cot wall but my wife seemed to think that may not work.

Finally, we got to the best part. Everyone had brought along a piece of equipment or something else which had been bought for the early days of the baby. One lady brought half the wardrobe of great stuff bought from the highly recommended TK Maxx, while her hubby demonstrated a Tomy intercom device to monitor the baby from afar. That stole my thunder as by the time it got to me, two of those devices had already been demonstrated and the second was the 'Which?' magazine top pick, the BT model. At £55 it was the bees knees, so my Philips version was £77 from Amazon and not as good - I was gutted. Still ours was yellow and my sister had bought us a battery charger unit so I felt more prepared - plus ours had a handy travel bag. My wife demonstrated the bargain changing bag she bought for £44 (down from £88 in the sale) from Blooming Marvellous in St Albans. It outclassed the 'Baby K' one from Boots (this is the range with Myleene Klass' name on it) from another couple and was less practical for the dad as it was very girly and had a mock leopard skin interior. At least I could be seen with ours and look only mildly effeminate. Seriously, there are some good ones on the market with pods for wipes, creams, nappies, even a little nappy bin, bottle holders and changing mats - our sister-in-law tells us they are essential and our one was her choice too (hers is a more girly red, ours is a metro-sexual black).

Our final NCT session is on Wednesday evening and it is on breast feeding. Kim is planning that we all get together for before the first birth due in early February and already we have bonded well with all the couples in the group. Afterwards we plan for a swift drink at a pub. My wife has planned to meet two of the wives who work close to her in London and the guys I would gladly have a walk, pint or coffee with each other any time.

I think that is the best part of ante-natal classes - the people you meet are discovering about child care at the same time and there is a real kindred spirit. Whatever their backgrounds there is a common link and a feeling that we are going into this daunting and exciting experience together and we were all prepared to make a fool of ourselves in the interests of learning a bit more. The network of friendships formed this early will be there for some time, possibly for life. NCT was well worth the money, I cannot commend Kim Hay, our course leader, more highly. It was money well spent and we are looking forward to Wednesday evening immensely.

If you had asked if I would be thinking that way before the course started - I would have laughed at you. Then again, there are many aspects to parenting that have surprised me by my own reaction. They say it changes your life.

It does.

An Uncomfortable Week

This is week 35 and by all accounts our little bump is now growing considerably.

Learned estimates put the brute at 18.2 inches and around 5.3 pounds give or take a bit although my wife does not look huge. There are pains, though. She is due at the mid-wife's today but the baby's head and movements around the fibroid are causing severe discomfort in short, but annoyingly regular bouts which wakes both of us up during the night. It appears only my fatherly fingers lightly stroking what we think is the baby's head actually stops the grinding against the fibroid and eases the discomfort which brings immediate relief.

We are concerned. The baby's regular movements higher up the tummy cause no real problem in terms of pain and still the undulating surface causes the strategically positioned TV remote control to bob around as if moved by waves on the sea - a source of endless fun while watching a film or something. The nastier pains usually come when my wife is lying on her back and we have tried these funny V-shaped pillows but they don't help much. The nagging concern is that these pains may grow in the build up to the final weeks and cause an early delivery, so our bags are well and truly packed and ready - both cars fuelled up.

This week, there is once again a severe weather warning for tomorrow and as I travel to Basingstoke for work, I am already making contingencies as leaving my wife on her own while in such discomfort and with the spectre of an early birth is not sensible. So I shall be trying to make sure I am near by and have the 4 wheel drive saloon car on stand by.

By coincidence, a colleague at work is also a 'senior' dad - his partner and he having their daughter 5 months ago and he is full of excitement and pictures on his mobile. We had a kindred chat about the problems that endometriosis can cause around conception and there was a similar story about the early pregnancy that indicated that the low progesterone level my wife suffered which almost caused a miscarriage again, was not as uncommon as we had been led to believe. What we both found is that fertility, for all its incredible techniques and detailed knowledge as a research area, was still a fairly inexact science and sometimes there was an air of 'trial and error' or lack of attention to the obvious that seemed to pervade. At least that seemed to be our experience despite all the praise we have for all the people who have helped on the way. In our experience, it was a lowly nurse who spotted the problem and, in our opinion, saved the day when more experienced and highly regarded specialists failed to heed the warning signs - or perhaps they were looking for something different.

No matter. Baby is on its way and the excitement and trepidation continues to grow. This week is another NCT Class and in 2 weeks the cot, pram and car seat arrive. In a last defiant stand, I have arranged a man's weekend in Spain in may for 'work' purposes and in June a long weekend in Las Vegas for a relative's birthday.

Once a man, always a man.

Dogs And A New Baby

I have blogged on this before and if you google the subject of 'Dogs and a new born baby' you will find a whole host of information on the subject.

It's a more serious problem than I first eluded to as we have TWO beautiful border collies and they are our pride and joy. From their perspective we are their pets - they roam the house, sleep where they want, play where they want and use any old object as toys although they usually stick to lots of balls of all types. But if baby toys are around then they will certainly play with them.

In fact, only yesterday my brother and sister-in-law brought around their two twins of just over a year old. There were tons of family there so the dogs loved it. Around the twins they were superb and they have seen many young children and have always been fantastic. The breed is meant to be 'medium' when it comes to liking kids but in fact we have found both to actually thrive with kids. The female dog is more wary of very young children and so will usually keep out of their way, yet yesterday she went up and quietly smelt the backs of their heads and gave gentle licks. The boy dog, meanwhile, loves interaction and so he was going about his normal games but actually avoiding the children as he ran around. He also went up and sniffed each twin and gave gentle licks on the nose. The dogs also stole a plastic duck to play with which they have now claimed as theirs. Alarm bells rang on all counts.

So while our dogs do not appear dangerous with kids - in fact, quite the opposite - the problem really revolves around the way they take toys and generally how they interact with the kids in terms of curiosity and, particularly, licking. We also have a brilliant picture (above) of the boy dog with a friend's 1.5 year old daughter on his back as she rode him, holding onto his ears for support - child and dog loved it.

There are other serious issues. Firstly, the dogs are the centre of our attention. They get played with, they want cuddles and they have tons of walks. They have the run of the place. So if a new child comes into the mix, they may no longer be the centre of attention and they will certainly not have the run of the place - jealousy may come into play. The second thing is that dogs carry germs. No matter how often you bath your dog or think they don't smell - they are still animals and they have lots of bacteria on them, on their rears and mouths. They love to lick and sit so you can imagine the kinds of possibilities here. They are walking and living dangerous things just from the fact they carry bacteria around.

We are meticulous in the way we wash our hands and handle food but we are going to have to step up a gear. Lots of anti-bacteria gel and thoroughly cleaned surfaces and feeding things. We are also going to have to ban the dogs from upstairs where the baby sleeps as they roam at nights, sleeping where they want. There is also fur - we have tons of it around the house and we wash things so many times that we regularly fill up the filter on the washing machine which has to be cleaned out. This is going to have to change. The lawn is a human no-go area no matter how many times we clean up out there - these things are now real issues to us where once we were laissez-faire about the two animals.

They are not going to like all this clamping down and new rules, that's for sure. And they won't like not being No. 1 attention-magnets in our house. I have tried talking them through it, introduced them to the 'bump', made constant references to the arrival of a new 'baba' plus we have attempted to let them know the new rules. Either they don't understand Powerpoint, can't read memos or they are ignoring me.

We don't want to curb our dogs too much but we are going to have to get them used to the idea of a new baby and what they can and can't do right from the start. There are plenty of tips and articles on websites about this but we have a headstart. Border Collies are extremely intelligent dogs and the boy dog currently responds and differentiates between around 50 and 100 different words, objects and commands. The girl just lets on she doesn't know. The command 'leave' is the strongest they have both learnt and that will be a major help. The first steps of introduction will be vitally important to set the proper scene and we will have to make sure that we still give ample attention to the dogs as well as the baby.

What most of the articles do say is that the mum has to re-assert herself as the leader of the pack - the alpha. My wife has no problem with this as she is seen as the household matriarch by everyone already and I am down the bottom of the ranking stack in the dogs' minds although the girl dog is definitely as daddy's girl. However, the point is well made. The key things for us is to watch out for are jealousy and stealing.

But in the back of my mind, I certainly do not ever want to leave our dogs alone with the child even for a second. As much as we love our dogs, they are animals and we should never forget it.

Cleanliness means more washing and thorough attention to detail and several 'dog-free' zones declared in the house. I wish we had a larger garden to segment an area where the dogs cannot roam but that will not be possible - we will just have to make sure we clean up more often and lay blankets down in the warm weather.

But we are also very much looking forward to having fulsome family. My wife and I both believe the dogs will thrive on having a new family member but we will be very, very cautious in those early weeks and months.

After that, I will post the pictures of them all playing.

Ante-Natal Classes

I'm a cynic when it comes to learning about babies. If you can't read it in a book or google it then it isn't worth knowing.

So when my wife booked us up on an NCT Course ante-natal course for £233, I was a more than a little sceptical. There had been a mix up on bookings, registrations and payment which almost got us a last minute reprieve but the course organiser did well to get that all sorted out and we even got a letter from the CEO. So yesterday we made the snowy journey of just a few miles to the Noke Thistle Hotel in St Albans for the first, couples session of the NCT Course - organised by our Watford Branch of NCT (the accompanying magazine is superbly named 'Watbaby' - get it?).

We were fashionably late but not the last as two further couples came after us. It struck me that we were easily the eldest couple in the room which we expected and I was, by some distance, the oldest person in the room. It wasn't a surprise but it still makes me feel a little funny - I suppose you are looking for a reaction of some sort when people look at you when you are 50. My wife and I are lucky, we look younger than we are - I probably look around 40 on a good day. The other couples were a mixture, two quite young couples and the rest thirty-somethings with one lady there without a partner who we learned had two children via a previous relationship and therefore considered himself 'matriculated' when it came to learning about birth. I think he missed the point as it is a joint discovery as we found.

Obviously, all on the course were new to it and some had read up on the subjects and others hadn't. The range of due-dates were as close as early February to late March so the ladies were reasonably close. We seemed, from a purchasing point of view, the most prepared while some had not visited their maternity ward, sorted an overnight bag or even thought of names. I was immediately encouraged - we were not unusual at being clueless. It struck me pretty early on that it does not matter what age you are when you have your first baby, new parents worry and think about the same things and know as little as each other.

After the introductions, the course-leader, Kim, started on the biology class and it was immediate that none of us had paid attention at school. Graphic drawings of the process of birth were displayed and the men had to put them in order of sequence. To be fair we got it mostly right and I had proudly at least placed the last one in the right place depicting an empty womb although I did get it the wrong way up.

Breaks were mercifully plentiful, in deference to the ladies who need to wee more now, and lunch was taken in the bar-restaurant downstairs which cost around £20 for us both. The morning was all about the birth and the stages of labour - and how partners could help each other to get through the aches and pains of it. It was very informative and practical as we all got to try massage techniques. There was plenty of fun too as witty quips were flying around from the men and Kim was also quite graphic and funny. As the morning went on, I began to like the whole thing more and more.

One thing which made my wife and I feel very knowledgeable was that we discussed birthing centres or hospitals. Because my wife had the big scare on fibroids at 23 weeks we were a 'centre of expertise' on both Watford General maternity Dept and fibroids and that made us have slightly more 'gravitas'. A couple we were paired with were going to visit Watford Hospital in early February and were able to give them plenty of practical advice from how to get there (especially to plan the journey in case of match day at Vicarage Road) and what the birthing ward options were. I felt as if I knew something at last. Later, the girl on her own asked us about fibroids and how to deal with them and I repeated my wife's line of, 'Trust your body' which she was really surprised at as she often thinks I may hear but not listen. The girl seemed reassured and I felt as if I actually had helped although she had probably gone to the loo to scream after.

What I learned in the morning is that labour has three stages, handily called Stage 1, 2 and 3. The first is indicated by short contractions of about 20 seconds each, 20 minutes apart. I handily pointed out that was about an hour episode of something with three advert breaks so TV was a good way to relax. My wife gave me the 'evil look'. At the end of the first stage 'Transition' occurs as the baby's head engages into the pelvic space and the mother may feel very nauseous. Second stage is pretty much it with contractions at 2-5 mins apart and now very debilitating - you need to be at the hospital very soon and fully prepared. Pretty soon you are whisked into the birth room and contractions change to pushes and at some indeterminate time later your baby is born. Third stage involves the ejection of the placenta or 'after-birth'.

In all of this, the body excretes certain substances to help the process. Oxytocin is the one you want, it's a happy one and this helps reduce stress - it's often called the 'hormone of love' and can be produced by cuddling and intimacy so this all helps in the labour process (well not that sort of intimacy, obviously). If you can help your partner ride the pains in whatever way you can from soothing, encouraging, distracting to massaging then more of this substance will be produced and it will help the whole process be smoother and quicker. If stress is promoted, then the body will produce adrenalin which tends to slow things down and make the poor mum-to-be more irritable as well as making labour more prolonged in most cases.

Suitably equipped to deal with labour, we went for lunch. After, we discussed via teams what we thought was important immediately before and after the birth and this was great. We brainstormed the important things to have ready for the new-born, what was less essential and what not to bother with. We talked about how we would feel 5 minutes after the birth and some weeks later. We talked about what we were looking forward to and what we did not look forward to.

What this really got us all doing was thinking and talking about our new world - and I loved it. My wife and I talked for ages after and it really focused all those jumbled up thoughts and fears and got them properly ordered and contained. We felt, for the first time, as if we are going to be parents - really. One discussion point common between men and women was sex after birth. The ladies feared the first time for obvious reasons after trauma in the nether regions while for men it could be that things have been so stretched that penetration could be like 'Lobbing a peanut up Putney High Street' or similar vernacular. The fact that both 'teams' thought of it made it something that could be talked about.

There was plenty of fun - men being men thinking about losing out on golf, the pub, poker games or a social life in general while ladies were more concerned with losing their identity which was more profound. But the general consensus was that what we all looked forward to were deep and meaningful things like responsibility, family, first precious moments, interaction, unconditional love while the negatives were usually superficial, cosmetic and transient.

That was a good eye-opener about the whole thing and it reassured me that even though I was an old dog, I could look forward to learning many new tricks.

There was much more that I have skipped over including illustrations of birth positions and the transition of the baby through the pelvis and how the vestigial tail bone (the coccyx) which has quite an important role in the path of the new-born given it is a structure useless to humans. This led to finding out the optimum position of the child in the womb prior to labour which is obviously facing downwards but on its side with its back outward on the left side of the mums tummy. As the child goes through the pelvis, it rotates clockwise thanks to the action of the uterus muscles so that its face is facing inwards and the baby's tummy passes over the coccyx and this is no problem as it is flexible. If the baby lies on the other side, the clockwise motion in birth means the face points up and the back bone goes over the coccyx making the birth far more difficult. To help this, the mum needs to lie more often on her left side which encourages the baby to lie that way. Oh the things you learn!

There are 3 more classes, one for mums only, and the next full day one is in 2 weeks time for couples. We have homework and have to demonstrate a piece of kit we have bought for the baby. I am looking forward to it and hope the pram arrives in time so I can demonstrate it like a man showing off his Ferrari.

Find out more about NCT classes in your area at their great website at http://www.nctpregnancyandbabycare.com/ - it's a fantastic learning experience and perfect to meet others who are roughly at the same stage as you which are often the first new important friendships new mums make - as well as the dads.

I can't wait for the next day.

B-Day

Well that's decided then.

Yesterday we visited our Consultant for a 33 week discussion and scan and the matter of the delivery was discussed in detail. High on the agenda were the fibroids which had caused such a big problem in week 23. At that time, my wife had two fibroids, one so large that the Anomaly Scan had to be abandoned as the Sonographer could not see anything. In the ensuing few days, my wife suffered very severe pains which induced early contractions which were not Braxton-Hicks ones and as a consequence I rushed her to the Delivery Suite at Watford General where she spent a few days on muscle relaxants, including Progesterone which acts in this way also. A few days later, amid excruciating pain, the main fibroid outgrew its blood supply, known as Red Degeneration, and began to die off. The second fibroid remained.

On the scan yesterday, the second fibroid had changed and was now positioned directly above the baby's neck. The consultant was not sure if this would complicate the delivery. I have pointed this out ad nauseum - we have been trying for years for a baby and we are both no longer spring chickens and so the delivery of a healthy baby was utmost on our minds. Without hesitation we elected to go for a cesarian section and our consultant said, 'You have made the right decision'. It was a huge relief to know things would be taken care of and nothing will be left to chance - particularly in the presence of a second fibroid which was showing signs of change, as well as my wife's lingering issues surrounding endometriosis and the scar tissue left after several operations to attempt to curb or cure it.

Quick as a flash, our consultant called the Delivery Suite and he booked us in for a cesarian which he will perform himself on the NHS, and my wife will recuperate in the Knutsford Suite at Watford General (see earlier blog). The B-Day (not some french contraption to wash your nether regions but Birth Day) is set for 17 February and the only thing he didn't tell us was what time so that I could have breakfast or lunch or make sure there wasn't a golf game on - how inconsiderate!

We went away with real excitement. Having bought so much stuff over the weekend, my wife had spent Monday morning clearing space in the 'Nursery' and converting a section of my wardrobe into the baby's - I came home to find all my shirts moved and replaced by baby clothes hung neatly up and I had a lump in my throat. Now we have a stake in the ground in terms of the date and method of delivery even if it was not the preferred way. The fact is we are now galvanised around that date - I can book the time off with my client from almost to the hour. Where my shirts are, I have no idea.

The overnight bag is all prepared just in case, and last night the baby was turning cartwheels, having blinked and then poked its tongue out at us during the scan. Even though one of our dogs burnt her paw pads on the rough, icy ground yesterday morning and we had to take her for bandaging, even they sensed something was about to change forever.

We are going to have a baby, and we know exactly when and how.

One final note, as the consultant scanned the body of our little one, he alighted on the business area to show the gender. Quickly moving on, he asked us if we wanted to know. Having kept ambivalent on that point, I think we both agreed instantly that we would, if only to be able to take all the clothes back on exchange if need be. He scanned back and showed us all we needed to know.

Of course that will be our own little secret for now.

In The Posh End

We had decided long ago that if we were blessed enough to have a child then my wife would be housed in a private room - may as well make the most of the whole thing, but there is nothing like a bit of privacy when you are in pain.

Watford General have a very swish section amid the mass of nondescript concrete buildings that forms the old hospital. The Maternity Wing is at the main entrance and hidden on the second floor, accessed only via Katherine Ward and a fair wait at the security point, is the the closest you get to a 'jewel in the crown' - if any part of Watford, let alone the hospital, can be described as such.

Here lies the hidden treasure of the Knutsford Suite (write that very carefully, chaps). It's a six room small wing which is the private section of the maternity wing at Watford. It isn't cheap, but it's bijou, vaguely private (it's corridor forms a link between Katherine Ward and the Delivery Suite so a good proportion of visitors have to walk through the ward), very clean, quiet and doesn't look or smell like other parts of the hospital. It is well decorated although you have the tell-tale cheap wooden doors with meshed glass to each room - thick with layers of paint from over the years.

We made an appointment and met with mid-wife Margaret Rennick who was an absolute diamond. My wife is very teary about most things right now so even just asking questions about the impending birth started her off - Margaret was superb. She was very understanding and comforting and soon all our questions were answered. We got to see the comfy beds, leather chairs for visitors, the flat screen TV, nice pictures on the wall, ensuite bathroom with nice khazi, bidet and walk-in shower - there were even some complimentary toiletries. I looked for a mini-bar but could not find one, nor the advertised hairdryer. The decor was not bad but the room was hot - I assume that's the way they like it for new-borns.

I booked up the 4 night stay for room-only which you prepay at a cost of £1,600. We are not having a private birth per se and if you want you can opt for packages which include private natural birth or cesarean section at extra cost. Naturally, as there are only six rooms, there has to be a priority system which they are pretty open about, and full private patients get top pick, then come private patients with insurance cover paying for their stay, then come nose-picking class like us who are room-only. They claim only about once a year that the demand gets too high and if that happens, the lowest priority gets bumped into the NHS wards and the money is fully refunded. That was said as if that was some sort of favour, so there are still some remains of the public sector there.

It was about lunchtime and the meals were being served and they looked vaguely edible and at least served on a nice warm trolley with a state-of-the-art light on it to give it a luxurious feel. Some kind of added bonus is that the partner can stay on a room-only basis too which includes two meals. At £160 per night it's blinking expensive, given the rooms are already painfully small and they have to wheel in some sort of trestle table to sleep on. While it is nice and cosy to be close to mum and newborn, I live only 15 mins away and it may actually be cheaper to stay at the Grove Hotel anyway! Actually, I exaggerate as I think the cheapest room there is around £270 but at least you overlook a golf course as opposed to a grimy block across an access street. Besides, I would have to take out a mortgage to afford the parking at Watford General.

As my wife has had fibroid complications at around 23 weeks which caused an onslaught of early contractions (not Braxton-Hicks) as well as excruciating pain, there is now a possibility that she may have to a Cesarean due to medical reasons. Margaret told us to contact our private medical insurers as if a cesarean is required on medical grounds, and not just as an emergency procedure, then they may cover it. I had not even thought of contacting them for any reason, to be honest, except to add the newborn to the policy when he/she arrives. So I called my firm today - they are health-on-line and they are underwritten by Axa PPP. They were incredibly helpful and referred me to the claims desk at PPP. I went through the history and they set up a claim pending the judgement of our consultant who we see tomorrow.

However, it is well worth checking in advance on these things. Firstly, they did not recognise our consultant as being one on their private list as he does most of his work on the NHS, as he would do for us. Secondly, Watford General did not have a contract with Axa PPP and so there would be no way we could have any private stuff covered, even the the room part even if the consultant acted on the NHS. It seems daft as this would mean we would have to be referred to a full private facility in either Harpenden or Bushey and get the whole thing done by a fully private consultant and team - which would dramatically increase the value of the claim.

It also sort of forced our decision. Even if we are recommended to have a cesarean on medical grounds, we will stay with our consultant, Yunus Tayob, who we both admire greatly and has a massive reputation in his field. That means we will stay at Watford General's Knutsford Suite and stump up the cost ourselves even if we could have claimed the whole lot somehwere else. Our view is that this whole experience has been a long journey and specific people have gone out of their way to be of greater help than others which has made the difference for us. Yunus Tayob is one of those and we feel safe in his hands.

On the way back, we called off at Bushey Arches and visited Mothercare. Chalk and cheese compared to Mamas & Papas but they had a good range of nursing and maternity bras plus nightwear which has been deemed, by my wife, to be essential. They also have really practical things there like electric socket protectors, door and drawer catches and a vast array of all types of prams that none of the staff knew much about without referring to a computer, let alone be able to adequately demonstrate them. More baby clothes were bought, plus odds and sods. The big thing I noticed, call me a snob, was that the quality was a lot less, in my unprofessional opinion on the subject, than Mamas & Papas. Also, in some of the areas, the choice was pitiful, as in cots and the like, of which there was just one. It was both expensive and shabby looking. The Early Learning Centre attached to the shop though, was great.

In total, we forked out over £3,000 in a short weekend on kit and private rooms. We haven't started on decorating yet. However, the level excitement, anticipation and trepidation has risen in proportion.

Roll on 25 February!

Mama and Papa

Yesterday was a big day. It was the day when real excitement and adrenalin kicked. No it was not because of the First Round proper of the FA Cup, men - we went to the shops and we.........bought stuff.

Until now, after so many disappointments in the past, we had put off buying essential things for the impending birth. Part of this had been because we were trying to play down the relevance (a reverse psychology strategy to avoid major downers should we lose this baby) of this pregnancy but also partly due to daft superstitions people have mentioned. As each week has passed since the 24th week, we know that the likelihood of having a healthy new born has increased and so, in reality, preparations need to be made in haste.

So yesterday we joined the New Year sales queues and went to Mamas & Papas in Watford which was a fight in itself as it shares an entrance with a 24 hour Tescos with a Krispy Kreme franchise and petrol station. The little off shoot road takes you up to the defunct Borders and M&P. We almost turned back, it was that full, but after 45 minutes of queuing for a car park, we were in.

Now, we had received advice from recent parents that there is an excellent baby superstore in Peterborough which has an amazing website - it's called Kiddicare and I can heartily recommend it. However, one of the most important aspects of the whole experience is a) the excitement of choosing what to have for your baby live and in person and b) you will need good advice and demonstrations of equipment by well-trained shop assistants. We chose well to go to Mamas & Papas and we were chaperoned for a good hour by the excellent Saaema (I think that's how you spell her name) who talked us through everything from bath items, to cots, to prams to bottles to mattresses and never once said, 'Don't you read anything, you numskulls?' We ended up buying half the shop.

It should be said that there is a sale on at M&P but it ends today allegedly and it isn't fantastically generous, with 10 or 20% being the norm but there are the occasional 3 for 2 and 30% discounts or even the odd half price. But rest assured, on the main purchase items like beds and prams, the discounts are low. That said, it did save us a good deal of money. If you really know what you want, having seen and touched it elsewhere, then Kiddicare is a good bet as they have a sale on too and some of the discounts on big items like prams are superb. But you really have to know what you want.

With little real selling but lots of good advice. M&P guided us through everything. For men, the only real area we think we know something about is the pram and so I burbled a great deal about the obvious merits of Quinny and Maxi Cosi items but in the end I shut up as the lady demonstrated the ease and quality of the Pliko Switch Pramette kit (up to £150 off at the moment if you by the full combo) which in my mind was the 'Fords' of prams but we were both easily sold on its excellent usability and weight. It comes in handy 'sets' and so you can buy the pram, child seat (Primo Viaggio), iso fix kit and pram seat as a discounted kit which also had an offer. The assistant even checked the iso fix attachments in my car and showed me how to set it up. I could have taken all that information and gone into umpteen shops, as I would to buy a car, and compared what we saw to get the best but, frankly, the service was superb and we were delighted with what we bought. The 'switch' bit actually refers to the fact that you can easily just have the child pointing toward or away from you by simply turning the seat around. It's a 4 wheeler and snaps together very easily so it can be stored with minimal fuss.

The cot was the longest deliberation. The wood types, sturdiness and side panels were hard enough to consider but the biggest debate and difference on price was between cots and cot-beds - the latter lasting up to 5 years. We decided as we are going for more children after and in order to avoid being picked on by his/her peers for being still being in a cot-bed at 5, that we would get the Sherwood oakwood cot, with a top which straddles the rails so that you can change the child, and we will choose separate draws. The mattress and bedding took a while but I left that to my wife who had the 'gingerbread man' pattern in mind although I had read a fabulous book by Jasper Fforde in which the fictional kiddy book character was a serial killer. Great read.

The 'Moses' basket was a dilemma too. In fact, all the baskets were the same but the patterns of the innards were different causing pause for thought. In the end we decided on the 'gingerbread man' theme and bought extra linen and a good mattress plus a 'snug' stand in case the dogs brush by on a ball chase - the rocking types looked a bit flimsy. For bath time, we went for the aqua plastic thing which stands in your normal bath and the baby lies on it rather than the separate bath. If nothing else, storage is becoming a big issue around this baby and there may be no room left for my golf clubs at this rate - anyway, this item looks great.

With the larger items all decided upon, it was the accessories and further smaller paraphernalia which really ratcheted up the cost and minimised the space in the car on the way home (the pram and cot were being delivered separately!). Bedding, linen, mattresses, blankets, bibs, romper suits, vests, gloves, hats, socks all contributed. We even called at Boots and got Pampers, Tommy Tippee bottles with steriliser kits, baby bum creme, nipple protectors, sanitary towels etc etc.

By the way - there are tons of newborn and baby sites to register at for information and possibly discount offers. In subsequent posts I will try and collate the ones I have found but I try to add them as I go along.

In the end we parted with around £1,450 in M&P alone and a further much smaller wedge in Boots. The result is that we will have the ceremonial packing of the 'Overnight Bag' to do today, constituting the fabled and mysterious 'Layette' my wife refers to which in my limited mind is simply clothes and whatnot, which has to be wheelie based according to my wife. This will contain enough kit for mum and baby for around 4 days - personally, in my mind, a toothbrush, nightie and the rest as pampers would suffice but apparently you have to dress the mite too, hence the vast quantities of baby romper suits and an outfit for every colour of vomit as well as time of day, as far as I can see.

Today, we are visiting the private suites of Watford General Hospital, called the Knutsford Suite which I saw when my wife had a recent stay in the Delivery Suite in October. I thought it looked very swanky but not quite the Four Seasons but a small oasis of homeliness amid the blandness of a hospital. Private rooms are the key and even partners can stay if you fancy blowing £160 per night which seems a bit excessive and would buy you a very nice suite at a posh hotel in most places. The cost for the mum is a bit nasty too and you have to pay £1,600 upfront for up to 4 nights, you get money back for early release. Some medical insurances cover the cost if you have to have a Cesarean for medical purposes and it is worth checking out. I will give a fuller report later.

As for the early weeks in our impending baby's new life, well it is all sorted out in a gingery sort of way. I just hope he or she likes it.

Swine Flu Vaccination - Update

On 23 December, I published a post on the swine flu vaccination and it's effects during pregnancy. I prefaced the article by saying I wasn't a doctor but I also referenced an eminent virologist in the article also.

Now I need to clear something up - the Baxter flu vaccine (celvapan) does not work to 'suppress' the immune system as I indicated. In fact, that is the reason why it is better for pregnant ladies. But it is the right one for pregnant women to take.

My mistake - apologies.

One helpful addition - our midwife told us this week that the second and third trimesters are when the pregnant mum is most vulnerable to the effects of swine flu and therefore the vaccination is most required at that time.

See also official NHS advice for pregnant ladies.

Happy New Year 2010

Happy New Year everyone and may 2010 be a year that brings you success and happiness.

For us, 1 January 2010 marks just around 7 weeks before the arrival of our first baby. How fantastic is that for a 50 year old bloke? I know some of you guys are thinking. 'What bad planning - that's in the middle of the Six Nations Rugby tournament' or 'How cool - England might have won a series in South Africa before it'. But the excitement is growing in our household about just the one thing.

However, yesterday I was left feeling slightly inadequate. We had lunch with two friends who are expecting twins - this is great news but we also have another pair of friends who are expecting twins and to boot my wife's brother and his wife have twins who are now one. What happened to us? We only have a single mite on the way and somehow in the general scheme of things that seems to be a low number.

At my age, catching up on the family front is a game that has to be played at high speed - twins would have helped enormously and got us ahead of the game. On paper that is. I also saw at Christmas just what a handful keeping track of two babies were rather than one and it's double the worry as well as the fun.

We talked about this last night, and you know what? We would not swap our impending addition to the family for anything. This baby has been a long time in the making and we have had to work incredibly hard to get it and endure many disappointments and heartaches. We may well want to have an instant new family but I think we will enjoy having them in single file just as much.

So we sipped a small glass of champagne to our fast-arriving, daunting new experience. 2010 will be a very special year for us and we cannot wait for our new arrival. I think it cannot wait either as it turned somersaults at the sound of the fireworks at midnight and kept my wife up once again.

One minor problem - we still haven't got anywhere beyond the name Edward if it is a boy. I have read two books on the subject of names back to front and still we are no closer. Help!