The M Word

They say that the most popular cause of a failed marriage is money.

Actually, I ought to rephrase that – it isn’t popular, it’s the favourite reason – no I don’t mean that either. You know what I mean, don’t you? Lots of marriages fail because of, in one way or another, money. There, that wasn’t hard, was it?

In our case, we have spent enough to buy a high end luxury car or a low end flat (a very high end one in Dubai, it seems) on assisted conception, so we are down a few bob. My wife, in nurturing this pregnancy with all the care she can muster, has not really contributed much to her business this year, in which she is a partner. Consequently, our monthly income has dropped too.

However, it is a straightforward fact that impending parenthood is an expensive time. This weekend, we reviewed the ‘Mamas & Papas’ catalogue and without much effort clocked up some £2,000 of ‘essentials’ we shall have to purchase. In her high-nesting mode, my wife also would like to renew our carpets, get a new suite, new curtains, have our conservatory re-windowed and then merely redecorate one of the rooms. And that’s all before the little mite is born.

My wife, to our advantage, is an Independent Financial Adviser (IFA), and so we have planned reasonably well for our child but nothing quite prepares you for the fearful list of things which need to be purchased up front or on a regular basis in order to prepare for and nurture a baby. Given the current recessionary times, and my age (sorry to harp on about that but it is the subject of the blog after all), money and the (un)certainty of its flow is a major worry point.

It’s as well to face it early and discuss it. We have until February to get ourselves prepared, kitted out and trained – all of it costs money in some way or another. While the entire shopping list of ideas we both have would be fantastic to have, the reality is that we simply cannot afford all of it and polish off our entire savings when there is no real guarantee of a consistent salary – you have to make priorities and contingencies.

I can only advise that it is best to approach this together, with realism and then get the advice of a good IFA who can help you plan properly while making good provisions for your and your children’s future. I am thankful that my wife and I have never had an issue with the money we spend and we have always compromised when we have had to while understanding our financial outlooks pretty well.

We like the good life and a high standard of living, but frankly the baby will always come first. It’s as well we chaps tackle that issue and come to terms with it early. So put down that Car Magazine, forget the daily pub visits, stop dreaming about the next Lions Tour and knuckle down to the monetary responsibility of fatherhood.

It should sober you up, if nothing else.