In Praise of Paternity Leave

It's not often, as an employer, that I praise Nanny State initiatives which are funded by private sector companies at a hefty cost, particularly if your business is a small one, but I find myself heartily behind the concept of Paternity Leave.

In my case, as I employ myself alone and therefore every hour I am not doing what I do I simply do not earn, Paternity Leave is funded 100% by myself as a lost opportunity to bill clients. However, I think it's worth its weight in gold as I am already not looking forward to going back to work on Monday and leaving my new son. This early time with him has been precious and I recommend it to all new fathers.

It's been a while since I last wrote so there is a lot to catch up on. Has age played a downside side so far as a Geriatric Dad of 50? In some ways it has taken a few years off me, believe me. It is always on my mind, in point of fact. Already, I am thinking what I will miss when my son is 18. I will be 68 then and likely not able to bowl at him in the cricket nets, play fathers vs sons at the school soccer match or be his doubles partner in tennis or even his Sunday League buddy in golf. But it has its upside for him - at least he will not have to wait so long for any inheritance as the rest of his friends. It's macabre, but these thoughts go through your mind. I also have been conscious of the older looking parents when I was a kid at school and when I have picked up my nephews. People do notice and we are going to have to deal with that when it arrives - and even though I am a young looking and behaving 50, I still look older than most parents.

Yesterday was an interesting test of my manhood. My wife was visiting an elderly friend who had suffered a bereavement and I was entrusted with junior, who took for his first walk in our Mamas & Papas Pliko Switch Pramette. After struggling to work out how to build and deploy the swish looking lining we had bought, I managed to have it all ready in time. It was a beautiful day and we walked along the rutted path - you get to feel every bump left by the zillions of cable companies these days on your aluminium frames - how the boy slept through that, I don't know. As we walked, I got a call from my wife's best friend who lived near by and had a friend and her mum in from New York - they wanted to see the boy if I could stand three clucking women. I steeled myself and walked there.

I skillfully negotiated the step in with the pram and took out the baby. Passing him around was easy and everyone was delighted to get a while with the baby. The inevitable happened - the baby woke up and he was hungry. The big test was on as all six eyes drilled down on me. How was I going to handle this amongst highly experienced mums. I reached for the Pod bag, removed a feed I had prepared, took out the muslin and put the boy in the crook of my arm and calmly fed him the bottle. Half way through, I put the bottle down and without missing a beat, I sat him up and, with no mean skill, deftly yet authoritatively, winded him, eliciting several load burps for the audience who applauded him warmly. I repeated the procedure before putting him over my shoulder and getting the last of the wind, then setting him to sleep to be passed around again. Hardly a peep out of the baby and a duly impressed audience. I was as nervous as a kitten to start but those who say you should never work with animals and kids in a show are wrong. I felt at the end as if I had passed an initiation test and had joined a sororiety as we all talked of 'cannonball breast syndrome' when the milk builds up and the merits of breast over bottle as if I was one of them. It was a curious feeling of being part of a 'coffee afternoon' and I felt as if I should watch 'Loose Women' as my next learning step, so much a part of the team I felt.

People always ask about nappy changing and how I coped to start with. To be frank, I found there was not much to it. Once you learn that you need to stop the squirming with a good grip on the feet to move the lower half and clean it, you are on the winning track. Modern day cleaning tools like cotton balls and warm water are great but when drying with cottonwool it leaves furry pieces in the cracks, literally. That can't be comfy so Pampers Sensitive wipes are an essential as they clean efficiently and leave a nice rubbery feeling to baby's bum after, ready for a nice new nappy. While we are into saving the earth, disposables are the practical way and it will all decompose nicely somewhere I am sure to become part of the cycle of life.

And there is the poo. Yep, you can have your own university course on the changes you will encounter. First couple of days it was the tarry meconium of the first born which needed soaking and a chisel to remove from baby's skin. Then you get some yellowy stuff which is best described as someone taking an open peanut butter sandwich and slapping it heartily onto baby's bum. Now we are at the roughly chopped, boiled and buttered spinach phase which is a little more gruesome to deal with. The volume is growing and so the 'spread' is getting larger while the smell is getting a little more toxic. You have to remember to look in all the nooks and crannies when cleaning and bathing but realistically, it is not that tough to deal with. Just wait until 'solids' kick in and the real pongs start, allegedly.

On the way home last night, after a day visiting, we decided to call in at L'Italiana Restaurant in French Row in St Albans - a favourite of ours and comes with our highest recommendation. Like all family run Italian businesses they love kids and they greeted us warmly and cooed over the baby. Such is the incredible generosity and warmth we have received from everyone, after we dined well and junior slept throughout, we walked out with a free drink each and a bottle of wine from the owners and the well wishes of the lovely staff including the prettiest of waitresses. Everywhere we go, we just find a warmness from everyone and that has been one of the most remarkable observations I can give. Except from the swine of a traffic warden who had given us a parking ticket. St Albans is an absolute nightmare when it comes to parking and enforcement - after 6.30pm you have crowded, impassable roads as people park everywhere while wardens still patrol 'soft areas' to hand out tickets causing traffic chaos. It really is the classic 'commission based' parking enforcement gone wrong - the council ought to be ashamed but they aren't as they they love the easy money it brings in.

And yes, fellahs, babies are babe-magnets. Young and old, women throw themselves at you. Well not you, the baby. Get with the program, they may smile and tell you nice things but they really just want to coo at and hold the baby - you are merely the object they have to sweet-talk to get what they want. But the attention is great - a bit like when the dogs were puppies. Like the dogs, make the most of it as when they get more mature, the girls no longer want to know.

Today we have the first visit from the Health Visitor, having been signed off by the mid-wife yesterday after Scott had put on nearly a pound in weight in the first 12 days and there is no longer any sign of jaundice - shame as that mid-wife was really nice. It's the next hurdle in what has been a real voyage of discovery.

And the sleep? Yes, there is lots of intermittent feeding during the night and so sleep is still an issue. The real 'Parent Fatigue' wears off and you get a routine, but yesterday I did a full night shift and let my wife sleep through - that's an advantage of mixing bottle and breast that the NHS dogma on 'breast is best' does not promote. Last night she returned the favour and, refreshed, I took over at 7.00am feeling like new. I am concerned for next week when I return to work duties as I will be travelling a lot in Europe and mum will have to cope without me for at least two nights a week. We have worked so much as a team on this that I do feel as if I am letting her down but I hope that we can get the routine just right so that she does not get too exhausted initially.

That's pretty much up to date. So far, age has not been too much of an issue but I can feel those old bones creaking a little. But there is nothing like a little baby in your arms to renew your vigour for life and peel back those years.

I feel very much younger every time I pick him up and that's a really good feeling for an old fart to have.

Blurry Eyes

It's been a blur.

Mum and baby arrived home on Friday and the first night was troublesome so neither of us slept well as we were on tenterhooks. Baby has found feeding on Mum's colostrum difficult, which is the vital early milk produced for the few days after birth that is rich in crucial ingredients for baby's development. It is rich, quite thick and is produced in small amounts - making it tough for baby to draw down. Mum noticed on the second night that baby was distressed at feeding and decided to supplement with a bottle of SMA formula despite protests from the mid-wives. She has also taken to expressing extra colostrum to ease pains in her breasts but to produce more for the baby at feeding times with less difficulty.

At this point, you have to understand my wife is committed to breast feeding but she also knows you have to trust your motherly instincts. If baby needs more - give it. What he clearly needed was more volume and, specifically, fluids. Due to that early trouble feeding he developed mild jaundice, but now, in a combination of breast and bottle feeding, he has had his 6 day check up where it is typical for a newborn to lose 10% of body weight and he has lost just one ounce. That's a small victory for common sense over dogma and my simple advice to would-be parents is to use your own judgement as the NHS is so fixated on 100% breast feeding it is actually putting children's health at risk - or at least that's my opinion.

The other thing we learned early on is that 'skin to skin' is both awesome and really helpful at feeding times. Part of it is the shock of coolness on the skin from the air but most of it is the touch of the mum and it really helps in breast feeding. Another thing we learnt is that mid-wives are no experts - they have great experience but there is a huge volume of differing opinions and no actual right line. You have to take advice and trust your own judgement.

The first few days at home have been a huge learning curve amidst lack of sleep. I am exhausted so just imagine what mum feels like while baby is thriving - at the least the priorities are right. We found ourselves to be more prepared than we thought we were - the cot is ace, the moses basket excellent and the tons of outfits and nappies all went down well. Then came the overwhelming and incredible generosity of others - family and friends. Neighbours decorated the porch, sister-in-laws brought us box loads of hand-me-downs, the flowers were copious and then there were the gifts.

Tons of clothes - tons of clothes - some disguised at flowers in bouquets, shawls of vintage wool, toys of all sizes with a rat or mouse playing a lullaby if you tug its tail, a Welsh pillow with a sheep on it (well he has to grow up in the right environment), a silver spoon, books, DVDs shoes, mittens, socks, outfits - it is endless. We have a had a constant stream of visitors with neighbours walking across the courtyard to family arriving from Wales for just a few hours. The emotions have run high, the tea has flowed and the cakes have been vital. It's been a roller coaster of feelings and we still have to catch our breath when we look upon our little miracle and think how long we have waited for these moments and realise it was well worth the wait.

We've had a few wailing fits, plenty of soiled nappies, a few baths, baby weeing on himself when you are fumbling for a clean nappy, little bits of vomiting though not much, a couple of feeding issues but no real hassles, but nothing really prepared us for the 'Gestapo' or the initial visit of the mid-wives. Like 'dementors' from Harry Potter they arrive unannounced, creep around you and quickly suck the euphoria from you as they assume that you are bad parents and you have to prove them otherwise. Their line of questioning was to challenge my wife's decision to supplement breast with bottle asking for justifications. I was seconds away from asking whether I had missed something and that non-breast feeding had been outlawed in statute. Fortunately my wife had more patience. Another mid-wife arrived today when I was at the dentist and she was excellent, applauding the supplementary bottles and my wife's attention to the baby ahead of all else, echoing the Paediatrician's views in the hospital. A victory for common sense.

The feeling of tiredness is debilitating but you just take one look into his face and you get all the adrenalin you need.