The Nanny State

Let's be clear, my wife and I are committed believers in breastfeeding - she is breastfeeding our son as we speak.

However, after 48 hours of our son being born at 6lb 6.5oz it was clear he was not getting all the food, and especially liquids, he needed to thrive via the breast only. Having given a fair amount of the vital colostrom, my wife was simply not producing enough milk for the baby and he was not finding feeding easy. At that point my wife made the decision to supplement his feeding with SMA formula and we have done so ever since in conjunction with both breastfeeding and expressing. Three weeks after he was born, my wife is still not producing enough milk for him and we supplement with a bottle.

Today, the Health Visitor declared that he was 8lb 5oz and has put on over 1lb in a week. He is thriving and well fed.

If we had followed the NHS and Government dogma of 'breast alone is best' then our little boy would not be thriving today. A very good friend of ours had six weeks of bullying, haranguing and general put downs by various mid wives who told her that she was a failure because she was not feeding her boy enough. After six weeks of hell and a 'Failure to Thrive' notice on the her son by the Health Visitor, she decided to supplement with formula. He is a fine bouncy boy today and thrived the moment she made that decision.

Our sister-in-law had twins and her milk took six weeks to 'come in' before she could feed adequately on the breast. Thankfully, like my wife, she followed her maternal instinct and used the bottle to supplement - her twins are wonderful specimens today.

I'm not saying that that 'breast is best' is wrong, but the clear over-riding concern is to ensure the health of the baby and that's the mother's responsibility and objective over anyone else's. Who are the Government or the NHS to bully people into believing otherwise?

To stir this debate up, I called at Boots today to buy some SMA in cartons for supplements. Naturally, we have clocked up a great many points on our loyalty card and so I tried to redeem some to buy the products only to be told that was not possible. The Government had decreed that no loyalty points could be accrued on the purchase of formula of any type or points be redeemed to buy any. Such is the rabid dogma of the Government and the total Nanny State attitude that their intelligence and instincts are better than any mothers'.

Delay in milk production or lack of is a common phenomenon, you have only to ask people you know to understand this. If mothers are being bullied into believing they are failures by not producing enough or forcing the feeding of their child when there is simply not enough milk there to feed them, then I think the Government are lining themselves up to potentially cause harm, or worse, to young babies.

It's not about the discount points, it's about life and the health of babies and the mother's instinct to protect. In an ideal world, breast is the only way. But if there is not sufficient milk for the baby to thrive, mothers must make their own decisions to ensure the health of their babies and ditch dictats by the Nanny State for the sake of their babies.

The Final Countdown

Oh yes, there are just 9 more days to go and this household is getting nervous.

Over the last week there have been a few scares and pains from the remaining fibroid and we are getting nervous that things may start early but other than that there are no warning signs. Bags are packed at the ready and my phone is constantly on, waiting for a call.

The week kicked off well as the delivery of the 'heavy' items arrived from Mamas & Papas which included the pram, the car seat and cot as well as the isofix base unit. There was also the mattress for the cot and the whole thing looks bigger than expected and may test the roominess of our baby room. I have committed to work up to Monday of next week and then it is 3 weeks off to savour the early days of our baby. After a long, long wait over many years, it's hard to believe that this is all really coming true. After so many setbacks and disappointments, we are still not counting our chickens and so we are tempering excitement with the calmness of those used to let downs. But now we are well beyond 37 weeks and little can go wrong - or so we hope.

We met with our NCT class mates last Friday and the ladies were all visibly larger than 10 days earlier and there was a growing feeling of trepidation and excitement for all the dads. They are a genuinely lovely group and we look forward to being a part of it for a long time. A young couple, Jess and Allen, were due on Sunday but as yet no word. We are due next although we may get beaten by a couple new to the area, Stuart and Rachel. Then, in quick succession, come the rest. It could be either one massive 'baby's head wetting party' or several - either way I think there will be lots of proud mums and dads.

As expected and pointed out before, we are the oldest of the group by far but the bonding is more about the impending birth rather than a focus on age and that's really quite reassuring and nice. All of us are from very different backgrounds but by coincidence two of the ladies work in offices near my wife's while we are all linked by area. The whole NCT experience has been great for getting to know one another.

The final class had been on the subject of breast feeding and I assumed that this had little to do with the dad. Far from it. Clearly, we dads have an important role in keeping the mum on a routine and helping her cope through a fairly sleepless early period. Also, I think there is a role for me as chief nappy changer so that short course at the last NCT class will come in handy but the thought of a wriggling, weeing real baby poses a few more problems than the plastic dolly.

I suppose when you don't know about these things you just make simple assumptions. The baby will naturally want milk and therefore will find a nipple and get cracking. If only life were that simple. We were given a short lesson in the modern techniques by a mid-wife with fine credentials of her own (if you know what I mean, men). Holding the baby in the right position was a revelation obvious when you thought about it but a mystery to me beforehand. Addressing the nipple was not as I remember it, lads, and the baby has some important techniques to learn which may pay dividends in later life. Then we found out that rates of flow of milk can be different and the baby may draw less or more resulting in the body varying its production. We understood that 'expressing milk' was not a reference to a bloke arriving on a logo'd milk float but the mother inducing milk without the baby and storing it. A pumping device is used (or by hand) and I had thought it more appropriate to an Ann Summers shop rather than Boots but you live and learn.

Several men had important yet daft questions - we all now so little in reality. For instance, if you store expressed milk, should you note the time and day on the bottle and then try and match that when you actually feed the baby with it as milk produced at different times of the day has different constituents. A good question but too technical for our course leader who said just give them the milk and be done with it. I liked that simple approach.

Attitudes to breast feeding have changed. It is common place to see women feeding in public whereas growing up I can't ever recall such an occurrence. My wife is not the type to 'strip off' in public but she plans to have no issue with uncovering and feeding wherever she may be. Some people get offended by it and, to be honest, I don't know what I am going to feel about my wife baring parts of her top half but it is the most natural thing of all. Given we watch plenty of titillating, half naked women most nights on TV, I can't see what there is to get upset about - even if you are having your pie and chips at the time. I may be a grumpy old man, but at least I am a modern grumpy old man.

One thing I had not really understood was why we had bought so many nappies in advance of the birth. I mean, it's only small, how much excretion can a tiny baby do? Apparently a great deal. If the baby feeds every two hours in the first few weeks then the poor mite has to be changed after every feed. That's a lot of pee, poo, smells and nappy bags. I can see our investment in a nappy bin or two is required. I can also see plenty for me to do in that department.

People have been incredibly generous and so warm hearted in the run up to this baby. My sister-in-law arrived with a a whole kit of clothes, a toy and a tidy box with a complete start up set for a new born including nappies, baby oil, creams, wipes, Calpol (newborn) and more. It was so touching. A colleague of my wife's sent around a spare car seat and pram which was fantastic, while a couple arrived for a cup of tea last week and brought us a lovely pair of moccasin booties which we had to get back from the dogs who eyed them up as toys. We have been asked to produce a list for other family members and friends which I found curious but now we have a small list including a 'Glo Egg' lamp, a timer to help us keep a regime, a Bumbo rubber seat for the baby, a BabyBjorn carrier and a sling for lugging the baby around amongst a small amount of other stuff while recent parents have offered 'hand me downs' like toys and the like. We feel very humble.

Others have rung up just to offer support and help should we need it. Perhaps they know something I don't, but I am grateful for the offer anyway. It's all very appreciated. Maybe we are getting special treatment for being older parents or that people understand it is a special one for us after so long waiting - it doesn't matter, we have both been blown away by the generosity and well-wishing from all quarters.

I am glancing at my watch more often now, checking time and date. The big day looms and kicks off Monday with a visit to the anaesthetist and then it is plain sailing from there. The dogs are getting nervy of late and we saw a change in temperament from both over the weekend. Again, we are not sure they know something that we don't but they have become very nervous and little more clingy of late. Perhaps because they are walked less at the moment or they sense hormonal changes or whatever. It's going to be a big change for those two so it may be as well that they are sensing things are different. Let's hope that's for the better.

I shall try and keep a more regular log of the countdown but it's T-minus 9 days and counting. All systems nominal, as they say in the movies. Whatever that may mean.