Off To The Gym I Shall Go?

With steely determination, I managed to overcome the invisible bungee rope that was preventing me making the short journey across the carpark to the gym and I signed on.

There were two immediate positives, apart from feeling as if I had finally shown some will power. The first was that as the gym is changing hands and the new owners will take over in January, so I have free membership up until they call me in order to extract some money. The second piece of good news was that my blood pressure was pretty much normal. I say this with a small caveat as it took 3 readings to get there and some special breathing techniques the chap talked me through. I felt as if I could beat a lie-detector by the end of it.

So tomorrow morning is D-Day. I shall rise smartly at 5.30am and be on my way by 6.00am to get to the gym by 7.00am and be at the office by 8.30am after an hour's refreshing exercise (writer's euphemism for being knackered). A foolproof plan?

As I have had a full day in the office, my wife went for a routine scan with her Mum today. The news was good - Mum and baby are doing fine and we have a another appointment for two weeks time. After having disappointments with scans a year ago and earlier, I still have butterflies before them - and today was worse by knowing my wife was on her own.

The most gratifying scan to date was the Nuchal Translucency screening test which uses a combination of many factors from actual measurements of the foetus' nuchal membrane at the nape of the neck and some other factors such as age, weight etc of the mum and dad plus certain readings of the blood - it is all run through a complicated computer program and out pops effectively the odds of the baby having Down's Syndrome. In our case, despite our combined age, the odds were actually in the normal range which was huge relief.

In the multifarious fears, anxieties and excitements I have of being a dad at 50, this was perhaps one of the biggest. We desperately want a child, but our fear would be that we could not provide the kind of long term parenting required for a baby with Down's Syndrome - and I have picture in my mind of being too geriatric to look after such a child when they would need us most. To know that our odds were high would have tested every belief my wife and I have - we are both very against abortion for every reason barring medical and psychological (it's difficult to be hard and fast but for abortion for lifestyle is to my mind an abomination). This fear brings home the awesome duty of responsibility parenting comes with and why it is more acute for older parents, who naturally have a higher risk of the baby having the condition.

Away from the lighter side of being an older dad - this is the kind of serious issue that age brings. My wife and I would hate to deny anyone (and I include an unborn child) the chance of life but we would not want condemn our baby to a life with older parents who actually would need as much care and attention as them in too few years. That alone would be a very selfish act.

The next dilemma in my mind is whether I actually go to the gym tomorrow morning.

Annus Maximus

It has been an amazing year for more reasons than one, but for me two incredible things have happened:

1) My wife became pregnant and we are to be parents for the first time.

2) I turned 50 just this week - here in November 2009.

I could bore you with the long details - suffice to say we have been married for over 14 years and we have tried just about every method in the book and could have bought a nice flat with the money we have spent on IVF treatments but just when we were considering new options, a miracle occurred and my wife became pregnant at the age of 43 in June this year - naturally.

The startling reality took a long while to hit home. I am old, fat, unfit and in precarious employment, at an age where things could go horribly wrong. We are 6 and a half months into the term and only now have I really realised that things are going to be very, very different.

First up, we love kids - adore them. We have 4 nephews we think are superb, two nieces we don't see much of but love and two new nieces who are twins who are the most adorable forms of life you can kind find - and that includes cute kittens. And we have two godchildren who consider us family - in fact, I treasure the card for my 50th from my goddaughter who called me the 'Best Uncle in the World'. I should have her stuffed and put in reception.

So this child will be loved - we are two people who have always wanted our own child and more. It's just that now that I am 50, it is very different. I am going to be the oldest dad in the playground, unless I go to LA where it's Michael Douglas. Until a year or so ago, I was super fit and now I have gone to seed. I may look youngish but I am beginning to feel my age.

But the excitement of being a dad is kicking in. This blog is about a guy and his wife who are finding life is about to change very drastically. And guess what? I am scared.

I am going to be a geriatric dad. When my child is 18, I will be 68 - then he or she is 30, I will be 80. The good news, if I have any money left, is at least they will get it earlier than their peers. The bad news is that they will won't be able to invite their dad to the Parents vs. Pupils rugby, hockey, netball or cricket match as I will probably have a zimmer frame - and they aren't cool.

So read along with my thoughts, hopes, fears and attempts to be younger and cooler.