The Final Countdown

Oh yes, there are just 9 more days to go and this household is getting nervous.

Over the last week there have been a few scares and pains from the remaining fibroid and we are getting nervous that things may start early but other than that there are no warning signs. Bags are packed at the ready and my phone is constantly on, waiting for a call.

The week kicked off well as the delivery of the 'heavy' items arrived from Mamas & Papas which included the pram, the car seat and cot as well as the isofix base unit. There was also the mattress for the cot and the whole thing looks bigger than expected and may test the roominess of our baby room. I have committed to work up to Monday of next week and then it is 3 weeks off to savour the early days of our baby. After a long, long wait over many years, it's hard to believe that this is all really coming true. After so many setbacks and disappointments, we are still not counting our chickens and so we are tempering excitement with the calmness of those used to let downs. But now we are well beyond 37 weeks and little can go wrong - or so we hope.

We met with our NCT class mates last Friday and the ladies were all visibly larger than 10 days earlier and there was a growing feeling of trepidation and excitement for all the dads. They are a genuinely lovely group and we look forward to being a part of it for a long time. A young couple, Jess and Allen, were due on Sunday but as yet no word. We are due next although we may get beaten by a couple new to the area, Stuart and Rachel. Then, in quick succession, come the rest. It could be either one massive 'baby's head wetting party' or several - either way I think there will be lots of proud mums and dads.

As expected and pointed out before, we are the oldest of the group by far but the bonding is more about the impending birth rather than a focus on age and that's really quite reassuring and nice. All of us are from very different backgrounds but by coincidence two of the ladies work in offices near my wife's while we are all linked by area. The whole NCT experience has been great for getting to know one another.

The final class had been on the subject of breast feeding and I assumed that this had little to do with the dad. Far from it. Clearly, we dads have an important role in keeping the mum on a routine and helping her cope through a fairly sleepless early period. Also, I think there is a role for me as chief nappy changer so that short course at the last NCT class will come in handy but the thought of a wriggling, weeing real baby poses a few more problems than the plastic dolly.

I suppose when you don't know about these things you just make simple assumptions. The baby will naturally want milk and therefore will find a nipple and get cracking. If only life were that simple. We were given a short lesson in the modern techniques by a mid-wife with fine credentials of her own (if you know what I mean, men). Holding the baby in the right position was a revelation obvious when you thought about it but a mystery to me beforehand. Addressing the nipple was not as I remember it, lads, and the baby has some important techniques to learn which may pay dividends in later life. Then we found out that rates of flow of milk can be different and the baby may draw less or more resulting in the body varying its production. We understood that 'expressing milk' was not a reference to a bloke arriving on a logo'd milk float but the mother inducing milk without the baby and storing it. A pumping device is used (or by hand) and I had thought it more appropriate to an Ann Summers shop rather than Boots but you live and learn.

Several men had important yet daft questions - we all now so little in reality. For instance, if you store expressed milk, should you note the time and day on the bottle and then try and match that when you actually feed the baby with it as milk produced at different times of the day has different constituents. A good question but too technical for our course leader who said just give them the milk and be done with it. I liked that simple approach.

Attitudes to breast feeding have changed. It is common place to see women feeding in public whereas growing up I can't ever recall such an occurrence. My wife is not the type to 'strip off' in public but she plans to have no issue with uncovering and feeding wherever she may be. Some people get offended by it and, to be honest, I don't know what I am going to feel about my wife baring parts of her top half but it is the most natural thing of all. Given we watch plenty of titillating, half naked women most nights on TV, I can't see what there is to get upset about - even if you are having your pie and chips at the time. I may be a grumpy old man, but at least I am a modern grumpy old man.

One thing I had not really understood was why we had bought so many nappies in advance of the birth. I mean, it's only small, how much excretion can a tiny baby do? Apparently a great deal. If the baby feeds every two hours in the first few weeks then the poor mite has to be changed after every feed. That's a lot of pee, poo, smells and nappy bags. I can see our investment in a nappy bin or two is required. I can also see plenty for me to do in that department.

People have been incredibly generous and so warm hearted in the run up to this baby. My sister-in-law arrived with a a whole kit of clothes, a toy and a tidy box with a complete start up set for a new born including nappies, baby oil, creams, wipes, Calpol (newborn) and more. It was so touching. A colleague of my wife's sent around a spare car seat and pram which was fantastic, while a couple arrived for a cup of tea last week and brought us a lovely pair of moccasin booties which we had to get back from the dogs who eyed them up as toys. We have been asked to produce a list for other family members and friends which I found curious but now we have a small list including a 'Glo Egg' lamp, a timer to help us keep a regime, a Bumbo rubber seat for the baby, a BabyBjorn carrier and a sling for lugging the baby around amongst a small amount of other stuff while recent parents have offered 'hand me downs' like toys and the like. We feel very humble.

Others have rung up just to offer support and help should we need it. Perhaps they know something I don't, but I am grateful for the offer anyway. It's all very appreciated. Maybe we are getting special treatment for being older parents or that people understand it is a special one for us after so long waiting - it doesn't matter, we have both been blown away by the generosity and well-wishing from all quarters.

I am glancing at my watch more often now, checking time and date. The big day looms and kicks off Monday with a visit to the anaesthetist and then it is plain sailing from there. The dogs are getting nervy of late and we saw a change in temperament from both over the weekend. Again, we are not sure they know something that we don't but they have become very nervous and little more clingy of late. Perhaps because they are walked less at the moment or they sense hormonal changes or whatever. It's going to be a big change for those two so it may be as well that they are sensing things are different. Let's hope that's for the better.

I shall try and keep a more regular log of the countdown but it's T-minus 9 days and counting. All systems nominal, as they say in the movies. Whatever that may mean.

In The Posh End

We had decided long ago that if we were blessed enough to have a child then my wife would be housed in a private room - may as well make the most of the whole thing, but there is nothing like a bit of privacy when you are in pain.

Watford General have a very swish section amid the mass of nondescript concrete buildings that forms the old hospital. The Maternity Wing is at the main entrance and hidden on the second floor, accessed only via Katherine Ward and a fair wait at the security point, is the the closest you get to a 'jewel in the crown' - if any part of Watford, let alone the hospital, can be described as such.

Here lies the hidden treasure of the Knutsford Suite (write that very carefully, chaps). It's a six room small wing which is the private section of the maternity wing at Watford. It isn't cheap, but it's bijou, vaguely private (it's corridor forms a link between Katherine Ward and the Delivery Suite so a good proportion of visitors have to walk through the ward), very clean, quiet and doesn't look or smell like other parts of the hospital. It is well decorated although you have the tell-tale cheap wooden doors with meshed glass to each room - thick with layers of paint from over the years.

We made an appointment and met with mid-wife Margaret Rennick who was an absolute diamond. My wife is very teary about most things right now so even just asking questions about the impending birth started her off - Margaret was superb. She was very understanding and comforting and soon all our questions were answered. We got to see the comfy beds, leather chairs for visitors, the flat screen TV, nice pictures on the wall, ensuite bathroom with nice khazi, bidet and walk-in shower - there were even some complimentary toiletries. I looked for a mini-bar but could not find one, nor the advertised hairdryer. The decor was not bad but the room was hot - I assume that's the way they like it for new-borns.

I booked up the 4 night stay for room-only which you prepay at a cost of £1,600. We are not having a private birth per se and if you want you can opt for packages which include private natural birth or cesarean section at extra cost. Naturally, as there are only six rooms, there has to be a priority system which they are pretty open about, and full private patients get top pick, then come private patients with insurance cover paying for their stay, then come nose-picking class like us who are room-only. They claim only about once a year that the demand gets too high and if that happens, the lowest priority gets bumped into the NHS wards and the money is fully refunded. That was said as if that was some sort of favour, so there are still some remains of the public sector there.

It was about lunchtime and the meals were being served and they looked vaguely edible and at least served on a nice warm trolley with a state-of-the-art light on it to give it a luxurious feel. Some kind of added bonus is that the partner can stay on a room-only basis too which includes two meals. At £160 per night it's blinking expensive, given the rooms are already painfully small and they have to wheel in some sort of trestle table to sleep on. While it is nice and cosy to be close to mum and newborn, I live only 15 mins away and it may actually be cheaper to stay at the Grove Hotel anyway! Actually, I exaggerate as I think the cheapest room there is around £270 but at least you overlook a golf course as opposed to a grimy block across an access street. Besides, I would have to take out a mortgage to afford the parking at Watford General.

As my wife has had fibroid complications at around 23 weeks which caused an onslaught of early contractions (not Braxton-Hicks) as well as excruciating pain, there is now a possibility that she may have to a Cesarean due to medical reasons. Margaret told us to contact our private medical insurers as if a cesarean is required on medical grounds, and not just as an emergency procedure, then they may cover it. I had not even thought of contacting them for any reason, to be honest, except to add the newborn to the policy when he/she arrives. So I called my firm today - they are health-on-line and they are underwritten by Axa PPP. They were incredibly helpful and referred me to the claims desk at PPP. I went through the history and they set up a claim pending the judgement of our consultant who we see tomorrow.

However, it is well worth checking in advance on these things. Firstly, they did not recognise our consultant as being one on their private list as he does most of his work on the NHS, as he would do for us. Secondly, Watford General did not have a contract with Axa PPP and so there would be no way we could have any private stuff covered, even the the room part even if the consultant acted on the NHS. It seems daft as this would mean we would have to be referred to a full private facility in either Harpenden or Bushey and get the whole thing done by a fully private consultant and team - which would dramatically increase the value of the claim.

It also sort of forced our decision. Even if we are recommended to have a cesarean on medical grounds, we will stay with our consultant, Yunus Tayob, who we both admire greatly and has a massive reputation in his field. That means we will stay at Watford General's Knutsford Suite and stump up the cost ourselves even if we could have claimed the whole lot somehwere else. Our view is that this whole experience has been a long journey and specific people have gone out of their way to be of greater help than others which has made the difference for us. Yunus Tayob is one of those and we feel safe in his hands.

On the way back, we called off at Bushey Arches and visited Mothercare. Chalk and cheese compared to Mamas & Papas but they had a good range of nursing and maternity bras plus nightwear which has been deemed, by my wife, to be essential. They also have really practical things there like electric socket protectors, door and drawer catches and a vast array of all types of prams that none of the staff knew much about without referring to a computer, let alone be able to adequately demonstrate them. More baby clothes were bought, plus odds and sods. The big thing I noticed, call me a snob, was that the quality was a lot less, in my unprofessional opinion on the subject, than Mamas & Papas. Also, in some of the areas, the choice was pitiful, as in cots and the like, of which there was just one. It was both expensive and shabby looking. The Early Learning Centre attached to the shop though, was great.

In total, we forked out over £3,000 in a short weekend on kit and private rooms. We haven't started on decorating yet. However, the level excitement, anticipation and trepidation has risen in proportion.

Roll on 25 February!

Mama and Papa

Yesterday was a big day. It was the day when real excitement and adrenalin kicked. No it was not because of the First Round proper of the FA Cup, men - we went to the shops and we.........bought stuff.

Until now, after so many disappointments in the past, we had put off buying essential things for the impending birth. Part of this had been because we were trying to play down the relevance (a reverse psychology strategy to avoid major downers should we lose this baby) of this pregnancy but also partly due to daft superstitions people have mentioned. As each week has passed since the 24th week, we know that the likelihood of having a healthy new born has increased and so, in reality, preparations need to be made in haste.

So yesterday we joined the New Year sales queues and went to Mamas & Papas in Watford which was a fight in itself as it shares an entrance with a 24 hour Tescos with a Krispy Kreme franchise and petrol station. The little off shoot road takes you up to the defunct Borders and M&P. We almost turned back, it was that full, but after 45 minutes of queuing for a car park, we were in.

Now, we had received advice from recent parents that there is an excellent baby superstore in Peterborough which has an amazing website - it's called Kiddicare and I can heartily recommend it. However, one of the most important aspects of the whole experience is a) the excitement of choosing what to have for your baby live and in person and b) you will need good advice and demonstrations of equipment by well-trained shop assistants. We chose well to go to Mamas & Papas and we were chaperoned for a good hour by the excellent Saaema (I think that's how you spell her name) who talked us through everything from bath items, to cots, to prams to bottles to mattresses and never once said, 'Don't you read anything, you numskulls?' We ended up buying half the shop.

It should be said that there is a sale on at M&P but it ends today allegedly and it isn't fantastically generous, with 10 or 20% being the norm but there are the occasional 3 for 2 and 30% discounts or even the odd half price. But rest assured, on the main purchase items like beds and prams, the discounts are low. That said, it did save us a good deal of money. If you really know what you want, having seen and touched it elsewhere, then Kiddicare is a good bet as they have a sale on too and some of the discounts on big items like prams are superb. But you really have to know what you want.

With little real selling but lots of good advice. M&P guided us through everything. For men, the only real area we think we know something about is the pram and so I burbled a great deal about the obvious merits of Quinny and Maxi Cosi items but in the end I shut up as the lady demonstrated the ease and quality of the Pliko Switch Pramette kit (up to £150 off at the moment if you by the full combo) which in my mind was the 'Fords' of prams but we were both easily sold on its excellent usability and weight. It comes in handy 'sets' and so you can buy the pram, child seat (Primo Viaggio), iso fix kit and pram seat as a discounted kit which also had an offer. The assistant even checked the iso fix attachments in my car and showed me how to set it up. I could have taken all that information and gone into umpteen shops, as I would to buy a car, and compared what we saw to get the best but, frankly, the service was superb and we were delighted with what we bought. The 'switch' bit actually refers to the fact that you can easily just have the child pointing toward or away from you by simply turning the seat around. It's a 4 wheeler and snaps together very easily so it can be stored with minimal fuss.

The cot was the longest deliberation. The wood types, sturdiness and side panels were hard enough to consider but the biggest debate and difference on price was between cots and cot-beds - the latter lasting up to 5 years. We decided as we are going for more children after and in order to avoid being picked on by his/her peers for being still being in a cot-bed at 5, that we would get the Sherwood oakwood cot, with a top which straddles the rails so that you can change the child, and we will choose separate draws. The mattress and bedding took a while but I left that to my wife who had the 'gingerbread man' pattern in mind although I had read a fabulous book by Jasper Fforde in which the fictional kiddy book character was a serial killer. Great read.

The 'Moses' basket was a dilemma too. In fact, all the baskets were the same but the patterns of the innards were different causing pause for thought. In the end we decided on the 'gingerbread man' theme and bought extra linen and a good mattress plus a 'snug' stand in case the dogs brush by on a ball chase - the rocking types looked a bit flimsy. For bath time, we went for the aqua plastic thing which stands in your normal bath and the baby lies on it rather than the separate bath. If nothing else, storage is becoming a big issue around this baby and there may be no room left for my golf clubs at this rate - anyway, this item looks great.

With the larger items all decided upon, it was the accessories and further smaller paraphernalia which really ratcheted up the cost and minimised the space in the car on the way home (the pram and cot were being delivered separately!). Bedding, linen, mattresses, blankets, bibs, romper suits, vests, gloves, hats, socks all contributed. We even called at Boots and got Pampers, Tommy Tippee bottles with steriliser kits, baby bum creme, nipple protectors, sanitary towels etc etc.

By the way - there are tons of newborn and baby sites to register at for information and possibly discount offers. In subsequent posts I will try and collate the ones I have found but I try to add them as I go along.

In the end we parted with around £1,450 in M&P alone and a further much smaller wedge in Boots. The result is that we will have the ceremonial packing of the 'Overnight Bag' to do today, constituting the fabled and mysterious 'Layette' my wife refers to which in my limited mind is simply clothes and whatnot, which has to be wheelie based according to my wife. This will contain enough kit for mum and baby for around 4 days - personally, in my mind, a toothbrush, nightie and the rest as pampers would suffice but apparently you have to dress the mite too, hence the vast quantities of baby romper suits and an outfit for every colour of vomit as well as time of day, as far as I can see.

Today, we are visiting the private suites of Watford General Hospital, called the Knutsford Suite which I saw when my wife had a recent stay in the Delivery Suite in October. I thought it looked very swanky but not quite the Four Seasons but a small oasis of homeliness amid the blandness of a hospital. Private rooms are the key and even partners can stay if you fancy blowing £160 per night which seems a bit excessive and would buy you a very nice suite at a posh hotel in most places. The cost for the mum is a bit nasty too and you have to pay £1,600 upfront for up to 4 nights, you get money back for early release. Some medical insurances cover the cost if you have to have a Cesarean for medical purposes and it is worth checking out. I will give a fuller report later.

As for the early weeks in our impending baby's new life, well it is all sorted out in a gingery sort of way. I just hope he or she likes it.

Getting Prepared

After a work Christmas Party is not the best time to go shopping - men, it is a time when we are at our most vulnerable.

But I succumbed. I found myself at Bicester Village Outlets - busy with frantic Christmas Shoppers and ostensibly we were there to do the same. But our course among the fashion, sports and baggage shops was changed and we seemed to drift into 'Petit Bateau' as if by magic. About an hour later, after several unknown women had lent their oar on the subject of what is required in the crucial first few minutes, hours, days, weeks, month and quarter of a baby's life, I found myself at the checkout with a large bag full of enough clothes to dress octuplets and £185 lighter on the wallet front. This, I was reassured, was for the first few vital minutes of our yet-to-be-born baby's life. It's no longer about survival in our evolutionary history, it's about how you look.

It's a complicated business, this clothing thing. You see, the problem is that we do not yet know the sex of the brute, despite it kicking its mother like Jean-Claude Van Damme in a training session every few hours - I think we might have the new Jonny Wilkinson in there. So the issue was all about the colour of the clothes. Pink was off the menu - it's a bit binary as that is a girl's colour; even I know that. For me pastel blues are pretty metrosexual these days but for Mum this was not the case - too boyish. So we ended up with stripy suits of different colours that will make our baby look much like a small convict like Baby Face Finlayson out of the old Beano, and pastel yellows, creams and whites all highly impractical as they will show up the vomit a little too obviously for my money. I was over ruled.

There were several options in the wardrobe for the first few minutes let alone weeks by the end of it all - the baby will pop out and slip into something quite casual first thing, but have some formal wear for meeting people in the first few hours and days. It will be as well dressed when it gets its head down for 40 winks and it will look pretty sharp as it wakes its parents up in the wee hours each night. Best to look your best at all times, allegedly. There is also the vital small woolly jacket for coming home, complete with a little off-the-shoulder cardy for lounging around the house, plus a small array of vests with buttons up the front and those at the back as you never know which the little tyke will prefer.

To be frank, we were a little short on socks, booties and bonnets but I was not going to quibble after parting with so much cash in such a short time. I had been bushwhacked hard enough as it was. I have got up early today to see if I can find a good online course for knitting for the rest of it - surely it can't be that hard? And then there is the buggy - or should I say, buggies. I had toyed with the Mamas & Papas brochure and was horrified to find the complex array of equipment deemed essential for starting up in parenting. I mean, a buggy is a buggy, right? No.

I surveyed the various configurations but couldn't get the price down below £650 for a start up kit including buggy frame, pram, car seat and fold away trestle to put the thing on. That is only marginally less than the current worth of the car in which it will all be transported. And apparently, it is also essential to have a second buggy - a lighter, more sporty model for quick release and whizzing around Tesco's.  None of this includes the cot, which looks like a portable prison, changing blanket, weaning clothes, comfort blankets, bottles, sterilisations tanks, bottle warmers, baby and temperature monitors, sleeping jacket-cum-bag and the paraphernalia to adorn the cot. And that's before we get to the toys, DVDs etc. Then there is the minor cost of converting a perfectly nice room into a baby suite - and don't forget the 'changing unit' and small bath.

It's endless - and we haven't even got to the toys yet. Thankfully my sister has sent us a fantastic baby monitor unit which is ex-NASA by the looks of its features. But, men, the best parts in all this are the technical bits - the ones where no expense is spared and is in our domain. The photographic department.  I love such gadgets and I now have a strong array of essentials.

We start at a decent phone with built-in high end pixel camera. I happen to dislike these so I have stuck with my Nokia E71 and that's that. For quick photos, the ad hoc ones, I have a compact Nikon Coolpix with 10 megapixels in natty metallic puce which accompanied me to South Africa on a trial run to see the Lions Final Test - these things have to be field tested, you know. I already have a Nikon D40 SLR camera with telescopic lens options for the all important close ups - this is a trusted friend which has photo'd our dogs in every conceivable pose and place. It's a great camera. Latest addition to the portfolio is a fantastic Panasonic High Definition lightweight Video Camera - spanking thing that is simply the cat's backside. I haven't quite mastered this yet but I'm getting there and little baby will be featuring in more movies than Harrison Ford pretty soon. I suppose I should buy an Apple Mac or video iPod to make sure I can carry all these films around and bore anyone, anywhere by endlessly replaying them or having my laptop set to slide show to show the baby in proper historical sequence minute by minute. I can't wait.

Meanwhile, it is back to the repainting of the bedroom and selection of new lampshades. Lack of money and sleep are some things I am just going to have to get used to. Call me stupid, but I'm quite looking forward to that too.